


Birds in a Cage

by neolithics



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming of Age, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, M/M, Photographer Donghae, Slow Build, Taekwondo Player Siwon, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-24 11:11:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21337294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neolithics/pseuds/neolithics
Summary: High school life for Lee Donghae isn't easy. It gets better, but a bit more complicated, when transfer student Choi Siwon enters the picture. A SiHae coming-of-age story. (1/1)
Relationships: Choi Siwon/Lee Donghae
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35





	Birds in a Cage

**WEEK ONE.**

Lee Donghae’s mind wandered to places he would rather be: the quays near Samhak wharf where he and Yunho used to watch the sunset, the backseat of his father’s meticulously maintained taxi, the porch where his mother stood with wet eyes as she sent him off the first time to study in the big city...

He had been boarding in Seo-gu, Incheon for a little more than 5 years. The Lee’s were the most pleasant family host one can ever imagine, and he found a friend for life in Lee Hyukjae, but he still longed for home every single day. His recently ended summer holiday in Mokpo had been particularly difficult—it was his first since his father’s passing a few months before. He had lost count of the hours he spent beside his father’s grave; the number of times he cried, and the point when the tears had finally run dry.

It all seemed like a distant dream now that he was back in the dull beige classroom with the other twenty-seven pubescent boys from Class II-A of the Jeonnamu All-Boys Private High School. He was expecting longer days still in his second year as their CSATs loomed ever closer like a sinister grey cloud.

Donghae jumped when someone hugged him tightly from behind.

‘Hey,’ greeted Kim Heechul. ‘Sorry about your dad, Hyukjae told me about it.’

‘Thanks.’ The look on his friend’s face made Donghae want to cry again. ‘It was about time, really. He’s suffered too long...’

‘Cheer up. Your old man put up a good fight.’ Heechul’s lips quirked upward. ‘Look on the bright side. At least you got to spend some quality time with Yunho...’

Donghae made for Heechul’s arm, which his senior classmate deftly avoided with a naughty cackle.

Lee Hyukjae huffed loudly behind them. ‘Having fun without me?’ he said, swatting Donghae round the head. ‘I can’t believe you left me behind on the first day of school, Lee Donghae. _Omma_ nearly killed me when she saw I was still in bed.’

‘I tried to wake you up. You smashed a pillow on my face.’

‘You should have tried harder!’

‘You should have gone to bed early instead of playing video games!’

Heechul pinched their cheeks. ‘Settle down, children. The teacher’s here.’

‘All rise!’ Their class monitor announced. ‘Bow! Sit!’

Mr Kim was also their adviser in Year I. He offered them a wry smile, hardened and wizened by his experiences from the previous year. ‘We obviously do not need introductions,’ he said. His eyes swept the room, taking in familiar faces, until he saw Heechul.

Heechul was one of Jeonnamu’s most brilliant students, but he was also one of the most notoriously difficult. He was fresh from a year-long suspension after he punched a Year II teacher. Though it was later proven that the teacher had been abusing a student and was subsequently fired, any gross disrespect of authority, regardless of intention, was apparently a transgression too far. 

Heechul returned their adviser’s gaze evenly. Such was his level of self-assurance that he never seemed bothered by the rumours about him—he even actively participated in spreading them, sometimes. Donghae had to admire that quality.

‘What’s his problem,’ Heechul muttered when Mr Kim finally turned away.

‘Probably wondering what he did wrong in life to deserve you in class. Hey!’ Hyukjae hissed as Heechul smacked his arm with a notebook.

‘Lee Hyukjae and Kim Heechul!’

They froze at Mr Kim’s sharp tone. Donghae shook his head—how did he become best friends with a couple of absolute troublemaking idiots?

Throwing a last dirty look at the pair, Mr Kim announced, ‘We will be joined this year by a new student. Please give him a warm welcome.’

The room immediately broke into whispers. Transferees were rare in the second year of high school—new students simply had no time to adapt in the midst of preparing for the big exam. Mr Kim looked out the corridor and called the new student. Intrigued boys, Heechul and Hyukjae included, peered over the shoulders of their fellow classmates as the new student came in.

Donghae looked up, and was immediately stunned by how tall the new boy was. He was just a few millimetres shy from Mr Kim’s full height, and Mr Kim was almost six feet tall.

‘I trust all of you in this class will be good examples of the values and academic excellence that this school prides itself in,’ said Mr Kim. He turned to the boy. ‘Go on, introduce yourself.’

The boy bowed. ‘My name is Choi Siwon. Please take good care of me.’

‘Very good. You may take the empty seat behind Lee Hyukjae.’

The boyish long hair, rosy pore-less face and neatly-pressed coat and trousers told Donghae he was a true-to-life _ chaebol_, the typical student demographic of the private elite schools in Gangnam-gu. How he came to a school in the outskirts of Incheon should be an interesting story to hear.

Donghae, being himself, feigned complete apathy as Choi Siwon dimpled shyly and walked past a mix of curious and awestruck classmates like a prince. He brushed against Donghae’s shoulder, so lightly that Siwon himself probably didn’t notice. Donghae, however, was all too aware of how Siwon’s crisp cologne still lingered, long after Siwon had taken his seat. It was a relief that Siwon was given the seat behind Hyukjae; the thought of the man sitting directly behind him made him feel inexplicably ill.

His friends shared no such reservations.

‘Kim Heechul,’ Heechul promptly introduced. ‘That dork’s Lee Hyukjae. And this guy’s Lee Donghae.’

‘Lo,’ Donghae rasped, his throat dry. Siwon grinned. And no, Donghae definitely did not just feel something weird and queasy in his stomach.

‘The boys ‘round here call me Heenim. I’m a big brother to these babies, basically.’

‘Yeah. We sometimes call him ahjussi out of utmost respect.’

Hyukjae yelped as Heechul knife-handed him on the nape.

‘YOU TWO!’ roared Mr Kim. ‘INTERRUPT THE CLASS ONE MORE TIME AND YOU’LL BE ON TOILET CLEANING DUTIES FOR A WEEK!’

Heechul and Hyukjae bowed their heads, glaring daggers at each other behind their fringes.

Donghae turned to Siwon and offered a shy, soft-spoken apology. ‘There is a reason why nobody sits on that chair, Siwon-ssi. You’re a little unlucky.’

The look of betrayal mirrored on his friends’ faces meant trouble come lunch break, but Siwon’s warm chuckle made it absolutely worth it.

**WEEK FIVE.**

It wasn’t the least bit surprising that Siwon had completely acclimatised to life in Year II-A in just a few weeks. The man possessed a laidback, innocuous charm that drew people in, and that was precisely what he did—even the girls from the nearby Cheonggi Girls School had heard of Jeonnamu’s hot new transferee, and paid surreptitious visits to investigate. The other boys saw the attractive benefits of Siwon’s newfound fame and were more than willing to befriend him.

What surprised Donghae was how easily Siwon had acclimatised to _ them _. Donghae’s friends weren’t to everyone’s cup of tea—to the uninitiated outsider they would probably seem like a bunch of 4D weirdoes. So far, Siwon had taken it all in good humour, and had weathered lengthy discussions about girl groups, anime, dramas and the effects of underwear colour on someone’s confidence. (Siwon had plenty to say about the last topic, to their surprise.)

It seemed Siwon was a more colourful character than the snotty chaebol Donghae had anticipated. This made him the subject of Donghae’s slowly increasing interest—much to Donghae’s own chagrin, because this was a distraction that he could not afford at such a crucial period in his life. Donghae blamed _The Heirs_ entirely for inspiring his chaebol bias.

To his relief, Donghae only had to deal with his troublesome feelings during school hours. There was little time to hang out after class as Heechul and Hyukjae had cram school, while Donghae spent his evenings revising in the library. They never bothered asking where Siwon went off to, but he never hung around long. Donghae assumed he had a private tutor at home.

Donghae wolfed down a piping hot beef stew for dinner and bought a cup of coffee before setting up fort with his books, papers, laptop and headphones on his favourite table just by the library window. Donghae preferred to study by himself. He found it easier to concentrate when he was alone, warmly bundled up in a hoodie, the world shut out by the music in his ears.

The tactic, however, wasn’t working that night. His mind was all over the shop, neurons firing off like camera flashes in his brain. He persisted, and made it through half an hour of re-solving polynomial equations after several computation errors and mixing up signs, before he had enough. He shoved his workbook aside in frustration, opened his laptop and loaded up Photoshop.

Donghae only turned to two things whenever he was stressed: music and photography. He was lucky to have a good excuse to dabble on his second hobby. Donghae was the official photographer for their school paper, _ The Jeonnamu Daily _, an assignment he took on with great pride and seriousness. Circulation, however, was relatively low. It was a pity students had little time for paper formats nowadays, preferring the real-time gossip on Kakao, Twitter and Instagram. Sometimes, Donghae spotted the photos he took of Choi Minho, their rookie football superstar, re-posted by his fanboys on Twitter and IG. That, for him, was validation enough.

The school’s major sports and academic activities were just about to start, so The Jeonnamu Daily—_ Jeon Daily _, for short—was still quiet. Donghae scrolled through the photos he took during his summer holiday instead. Familiar sights and scenes from home flashed on his screen, and a small, wistful smile crossed his lips.

He was jolted back to reality when something jabbed him firmly at either side of his ribs.

Donghae yelled in surprise. The other students turned to the source of the commotion, and watched Lee Donghae furiously slap a rolled-up workbook against the arm of the new student Choi Siwon, who was doubled-up in laughter. The librarian didn’t see the amusing side and sternly warned them to pipe down.

‘Ah, your face,’ Siwon gasped as he slipped into an empty chair across Donghae.

‘Asshole,’ Donghae spat, his cheeks in flames. ‘You’ll pay for that, transfer student...’

Siwon looked extremely delighted. ‘I called your name a couple of times but you didn’t notice. That’s an excellent pair of headphones you have on.’

‘What are you even doing here? I thought you’d already gone home.’

‘Nah, I had a bit of paperwork to attend to.’ Siwon looked around the library. ‘Do you always come here after class to study?’

‘Maybe.’ Donghae pulled the laptop closer and hid his face behind it.

‘That’s amazing. It takes a lot of discipline to study on your own.’

‘I work better where there’s plenty of peace and quiet.’ When Siwon didn’t answer, Donghae peeked over his laptop and found Siwon grinning. ‘What?’

‘I was thinking about how suspicious you looked when I spotted you with a hoodie and a massive pair of headphones. I was a little nervous about what I’ll see on your laptop screen.’

‘I’m not as perverted as Hyuk and Chul, or you. And it’s rude to snoop, Siwon-_ssi _.’

‘Aw, really? Siwon-ssi? Aren’t we close enough to drop the honorifics, Donghae-_ah _?’

Donghae’s eyes flickered up to Siwon again, and was caught off-guard by the sincerity on the other boy’s face. He shifted his gaze. ‘We’re not even friends on Kakao or Instragram yet,’ he reasoned rather lamely.

‘OK, what’s your handle? I’ll add you. Wait, I should be able to find you through Heechul or Hyukjae, right?’ Siwon looked at his phone, then cursed at something he saw—a message, probably. ‘Shit, I have to go. But you’ll add me, won’t you?’

Donghae scoffed jokingly. ‘And why should I?’

‘Because I want to see more of the pretty photos you’ve taken.’

That made Donghae look up. ‘You _ were _ snooping.’

‘My attention is easily attracted by beautiful things.’ Siwon winked, and Donghae felt a sudden urge to punch him. Instead, Donghae grabbed his workbook and flapped it towards Siwon to shoo him away.

Siwon laughed and stood to leave. Donghae wondered why he could suddenly breathe a little easier.

When Siwon reached the door, he waved at Donghae and pointed at the screen of his mobile. Donghae looked at his own and found several notifications.  
  


_ @choisiwon followed you on Instagram. _

_ @choisiwon followed you on Twitter _

_ Choi Siwon added you on Facebook _

_ Siwonnie added you on Kakao _  
  


‘Good God,’ Donghae muttered. He belatedly realised he had a silly grin on his face, and hastily looked up to check if Siwon had seen. To his relief the boy had already left.

Donghae’s peace of mind lasted until Siwon sent him a message on Kakao a few minutes later, which wrought out a strangled cry from him and nearly got him thrown out of the library for good.  
  


_ Siwonnie: I’ve added you. Can we be friends now DONGHAE-AH?? _

_ Siwonnie: Hahaha just kidding, I won’t annoy you anymore during study period. Fighting~ _

_ Siwonnie: P.S. I'm so happy I finally got to see you smile! You should definitely smile more often xx _

**WEEK SEVEN.**

Donghae held on tightly to the straps of his messenger bag as he raced after Ryeowook up another unfamiliar street. He had lost count of the streets and alleyways his junior had manoeuvred them into—if he lost Ryeowook, he was done for.

Ryeowook, however, seemed oblivious to Donghae’s struggle. ‘Keep up hyung, or we’ll be late!’ he called out, before disappearing into another corner. Donghae groaned.

He was in Yeonsu-gu for the first time to cover the Inter-High Taekwondo Tournament’s first qualifying round. It was an unusual sporting event to feature in the paper, but football and basketball seasons haven’t started, and they needed something to fill up the sports column. Leeteuk had heard exciting rumours about a new, strong recruit for the taekwondo club, so the editor-in-chief sent him and Ryeowook to investigate.

Fortunately, Yeonsu-gu was the neighbourhood that Ryeowook grew up in. He even trained in the same _dojang_ when he took up taekwondo as a child. ‘My parents put me up in taekwondo class to help me lose weight,’ he said. ‘No one expected a fatty like me to get as far as 6th _gup_. I really got into it.’

‘But you said you stopped,’ said Donghae. ‘What happened?’

Ryeowook’s face darkened momentarily. ‘I got injured by some rich brat from a gym in Apgujeong. We’re here!’

The dojang was a simple, glass-panelled establishment wedged between two shops, completely inconspicuous and unrecognisable if not for two sparring fighters beneath the words “POWER”—the gym’s name, Donghae figured. The interior was just as bare as the outside, with a receiving area just big enough for a counter and a small couch. The white walls were adorned with framed pictures which had faded with time—the first of sparring children, the next of a man splitting a brick held aloft into two with a blurred leg. The biggest one was a black-and-white photo of a stern-faced, elderly man, who Donghae assumed was the grandmaster.

‘We’re here to watch the tournament,’ said Ryeowook to the enquiring receptionist. She waved them towards a small corridor, where strains of cheering and yelling could be heard.

The corridor led into a spacious, brightly-lit room. Young men and women were lined around the dark blue mats laid out at the centre, roaring excitedly at the spectacle—the contender in red had just delivered a strong kick to the chest of his opponent to earn his team a final point.

‘We missed the first one,’ said Ryeowook ruefully, as the two fighters bowed to each other and took off their head guards. The official crossed out a name on the whiteboard under Jungsan High School—it seemed Jeonnamu had won the round.

Donghae quickly pulled out his camera. It was a second-hand Nikon D5200, and was worth one or two odd jobs, half a year’s allowance and several weekends of scouring Namdaemun. (His _ omma _ would have thrown a fit, if she had known.) He had been using his camera for the Jeon Daily since late last year. Leeteuk had offered him the school’s standard point-and-shoot for safety purposes, but Donghae wouldn’t have it—he had the skill, and he needed the right tool to show it.

‘Are you the news people from the Jeon Daily?’ said one of the young men in a _ dobok_. Donghae recognised him as Lee Sungmin from Class II-B. He immediately noticed that Sungmin was wearing a black belt, and felt slightly star-struck.

‘We are,’ said Ryeowook. ‘Sorry we missed the first fight.’

‘Nah, it’s fine. I’m just happy we’re getting a bit of press coverage this year. Though I’m guessing that’s ‘cos you’re interested in our new recruit.’ Sungmin grinned. ‘He’s up next.’

Donghae and Ryeowook looked up to see two fighters step forward. One of them looked extremely familiar...

Donghae gasped when he realised who it was. Beside him, Ryeowook did the same.

‘Choi Siwon?!’

‘The Apgujeong brat!’

‘Eh?’ Donghae’s head whipped towards Ryeowook. ‘”The Apgujeong brat”?’

Ryeowook was fuming. ‘I can’t believe I have to write a feature about this bastard! Get ready, hyung!’

Donghae tried to keep his wits about him as he set up his camera. Choi Siwon looked a different person in a dobok—he wore the unwavering expression of a man with a single-minded mission. Donghae would’ve probably lost his nerve if he was at the receiving end of that look.

The players took positions—Siwon in red, the opponent in blue—and they bowed as professional courtesy before strapping on their head gear. Donghae double-checked his settings before peeping through his lens.

The referee waved his hand down, and the match started.

Donghae remembered Siwon’s fight in flashes: a spinning kick that just brushed against the opponent’s head; a slight tilt of the head to evade a high kick; then the beautifully controlled kick that hit his opponent up the chin. He had lost count of the number of photos he had taken, fully immersed in capturing the swift, decisive moments that earned Siwon his points and drew cheers from the crowd. It was a little different with football games, where he had to keep an eye on the entire field of play because things happened quickly. This time, Donghae had the luxury to focus.

(When Donghae reviewed his photos a little later, he realised, to his utter embarrassment, that most of his photos were focused on just one man.)

Siwon had won the round with a decisive score of 18-6. As he took off his head-gear, his gaze wandered to where Donghae was standing. Their eyes met; Siwon’s stoic face broke into a wide smile. He gave Donghae a small salute, which Donghae shyly acknowledged with a wave of his camera.

Sungmin came next. Donghae learned he was the captain of the taekwondo team. Deservedly so, he thought; he was incredible. He gave Donghae his best photo for the day—a spinning kick that caught his opponent’s chin by the heel, which Donghae captured from a low angle. The light that crowned the opponent’s jarred head made the photo look incredibly powerful.

‘A perfect photo for a perfect kick,’ a voice said near his ear. Donghae jumped, and turned around to see a grinning Siwon behind him.

‘Snooping again,’ Donghae tutted. They exchanged high-fives. ‘You weren’t bad yourself, Siwon-ah.’

Siwon’s grin widened. ‘Did you really come to see me fight?’

‘Actually, I—‘

‘Cocky bastard. Don’t get ahead of yourself.’

Ryeowook stepped in between them, shoulders squared and chin raised. He was a head shorter than Siwon even at his full height, but he wasn’t fazed—in fact, he looked absolutely feral.

‘We’re only here to cover you because the editor-in-chief told us so.’

The chatter simmered down as the crowd took notice of the souring atmosphere. Siwon’s smile slipped off his face. ‘I’m sorry, you are?’

Maybe it was Siwon’s passive-aggressive tone, but the question made Ryeowook snap.

‘I’M KIM RYEOWOOK, AND I WOULD’VE KICKED ASS BETTER THAN YOU IF YOU DIDN’T DESTROY MY KNEE, YOU DUMB ENTITLED CHAEBOL MAN-HORSE!!’

Donghae didn’t have time to take the situation in. Siwon’s dumbfounded expression was the last thing he saw before Ryeowook grabbed his arm and dragged him out the door. 

**WEEK NINE.**

Siwon’s new nickname spread like wildfire after the incident, helped along by Heechul’s constant goading. Siwon coolly took the ‘man-horse’ jokes in stride; he actually looked like he enjoyed them. By the end of the week the name _ Masi _ had lost any derogatory subtext it previously had. Siwon’s charisma had won, once again.

Leeteuk, meanwhile, was furious over Ryeowook’s unprofessionalism and suspended him from Jeon Daily’s first quarter of circulation. Donghae only hoped it would not breed greater resentment.

Donghae thought the incident had completely blown over when Siwon suddenly brought up the subject, one night in the library.

‘Did I really permanently hurt his knee?’ Siwon was biting his knuckle—a habit, Donghae noticed, that he did whenever he was nervous or embarrassed. ‘Did I really end his dreams like that?’

‘Ending his dream is a bit too much,’ said Donghae. ‘Ryeowook wasn’t even properly into sport before taekwondo. Don’t you remember your match with him? It must have been eventful enough to remember.’

‘No,’ Siwon admitted. ‘I completely forget myself when I’m competing, sometimes.’

‘That’s only natural, isn’t it? What’s the term for it—a winner’s mentality?’ Donghae shrugged. ‘I used to play football tournaments in middle school until a boy caught me in a bad tackle and tore my ankle. My ankle was never quite the same after that, but I certainly don’t begrudge him now. It’s all a matter of perspective, I think.’

‘That’s because you have the pure, beautiful heart of a child.’

Donghae sniffed, unwilling to be flattered. ‘Is that a subtle way of calling me a baby?’

‘Ha-ha. Matter of perspective, like you said.’ Siwon glanced over at Donghae’s laptop, where Donghae was editing photos for the Jeon Daily’s sports section. He was working on Siwon’s photo then, mid-way through a curling, overhead kick a few inches shy from his opponent’s head. ‘You make me look way better in your photos, Donghae-ah.’

‘Yeah, thank goodness for the miracles of Photoshop...’

Donghae deftly avoided Siwon’s hand as it shot out to pinch his side. ‘I’m serious,’ said Siwon. ‘These are good enough to be professional. You gonna mention taking up photography in the careers interview?’

‘Photography?’ Donghae snorted. ‘You seriously think that’s a career option?’

Siwon straightened up. ‘Why not?’

‘You don’t go to a university to become a photographer, Siwon-ah. Mr Kim would say as much.’

‘You don’t go to a university to get a 9-5 job that will slowly kill you, either.’

Donghae bristled at Siwon’s baiting tone. Donghae’s family had enough to afford a few luxuries, but his father had given up so much, including his own dream, to ensure his family lived a stable life. Pursuing a selfish interest was out of the question. On the other hand, Siwon was rich enough to do anything he wanted. The difference in their worlds was suddenly stark obvious.

‘I’m not rich enough to take risks,’ said Donghae, his tone sharper than he intended.

Donghae could feel Siwon’s gaze from behind his laptop screen. Was he angry? Offended? Donghae didn’t have the courage to know.

Siwon’s phone chirped. Donghae checked the time—Siwon usually got a message or a call at around 9 PM, then he’d leave a few minutes after. Donghae had since assumed it was his parents, or a personal driver.

Like clockwork, he heard the scrape of a chair and things rustled around as Siwon stood up and prepared to leave. What he didn’t expect was Siwon suddenly ruffling his hair.

‘I wish you wouldn’t give up on your dreams too easily, Donghae-ah,’ he said. ‘But I’m being a hypocrite. I don’t have that much of a say about my future, too.’

**WEEK EIGHT.**

Donghae stared at his careers form, all filled out except for a few remaining questions. The first four asked about his top two university choices and his preferred courses. The last question asked about his preferred field of profession.

Donghae envied how easy it was for his friends. Hyukjae and Heechul had straightforward plans: Hyukjae firmly believed he could be the modern-day Pak Kyongni and was dead set on a literary course to help him write his three-volume epic. Heechul wanted to be a trivia game contestant—he could make a living with the huge amounts of TV money he was definitely more than capable of winning, he reasoned—and though Heechul was quite committed to his plan, they quickly pointed out that Mr Kim would think it’s a joke and probably punish him for not taking the careers interview seriously.

Siwon said he was taking up a management course so he could take up the family business, or start his own. Heechul and Hyukjae lauded Siwon for being sensible, as usual. Siwon said nothing then, but he caught Donghae’s gaze and smiled wanly.

Donghae had it all planned out over summer vacation. He had discussed it with his family and his beloved father, one afternoon in the cemetery. The plan was to take up a business course and apply for a big corporation as a sales agent. He wasn’t as smart as Heechul nor was he as talented as Hyukjae, but he was hardworking, and he had a knack for winning over people. People say he’s not too bad-looking either, so a sales job might be the best fit...

Donghae had fully convinced himself of this plan, until Siwon came along and started preaching about dreams.

He stared at the form. It was ridiculous, really, how much of his future was decided by a single piece of paper. His pen hovered above it hesitantly as Siwon’s words ran over and over in his head:

_Don’t give up on your dreams_ _too easily._

So Donghae closed one eye shut, and chose to dream.

*

Donghae immediately sent Siwon a message after the interview.

_ LeeDonghae: I told you Mr Kim wouldn’t be too happy about it. _

_ Siwonnie: About what? _

_ LeeDonghae: I said I wanted to be a photographer in my careers interview. _

_ LeeDonghae: He said I might as well have doomed my family to hardship. _

Siwon flooded him with stickers—shocked ones, furious ones, then a bunch of laughing ones. _ These old men, _ he said. _ Don’t believe them, Fishy. They’re just jealous we still have dreams to keep. _

**WEEK FOURTEEN.**

Jeonnamu’s taekwondo team slowly inched their way to the playoffs, defeating Jungsan, Nonhyeon and Daein along the way. The only dark cloud was Sungmin’s injury, when he twisted his ankle in the round against Daein—a massive blow, said Siwon, because Haesong, the strongest school in the qualifiers, was up next. If they managed to defeat Haesong, they would clinch a play-off berth for the regionals, which they haven’t done in seven years.

Donghae rode the coach with the taekwondo team to Yeonsu-gu (much to his relief, because he wasn’t confident about travelling alone in that maze of a town). Siwon sat beside him. He was unusually quiet, and he lipped at his knuckles from time to time.

Donghae pulled out his mobile and scrolled through his Spotify for a calm, easygoing playlist, and eventually settled for one of Taeyeon’s old solo EPs. He tapped Siwon on the shoulder and offered an earbud. This, at last, drew out a small smile from Siwon, as he gratefully slipped the bud into his ear.

They spoke very little until they got to the dojang. As the Jeonnamu players marched off to the dressing room, Donghae held Siwon back by the elbow.

‘Siwon-ah.’

Siwon gave him a quizzical look. Donghae suddenly felt very self-conscious when he realised that Siwon’s full attention was on him. He lightly, and a little awkwardly, punched Siwon’s chest, just over his heart. ‘Fighting,’ he said with a nervous laugh. ‘Just wanted to say. You look a little tense.’

‘Am not,’ said Siwon. His hand was warm as he squeezed Donghae’s enclosed fist and pressed it to his chest.

(It was a moment that would play in Donghae’s head over and over in the next few days, which caused much distressed tossing and turning during the night. Neither him nor Hyukjae got much sleep that week.)

Donghae’s face still felt a bit warm as he walked into the gym. There were a lot more people than the previous matches, which came as a surprise. Donghae liked to think the Jeon Daily had a part to play in the growing interest over Jeonnamu’s taekwondo club.

The team emerged from the corridor a few minutes later, looking ten feet taller in their uniforms. Sungmin led the line, followed by Siwon. His nerves seemed to have disappeared, his expression harder and more determined than in the previous rounds.

Haesong’s taekwondo team came out next. The first thing Donghae noticed was how huge they were; Donghae would’ve easily mistaken them for the Judo club, instead. The biggest of the lot stepped forward—Donghae assumed he was the captain—to offer a handshake and exchange pleasantries with Sungmin.

The two teams lined up on either side of the gym. Sungmin watched from the benches; the physio advised the captain to sit out the match to give his ankle enough time to heal. In his place, Siwon stepped up. He gathered the Jeonnamu team members into a circle; Donghae heard stabs of Siwon’s commanding baritone, followed by roars of assent. Donghae beamed with pride—it’s amazing how Siwon had earned the trust and esteem of his teammates in such a short time.

The referee called the teams over, and the match started: Jeonnamu in blue, Haesong in red. It was a best-of-five, which meant Jeonnamu needed at least three wins to win. Donghae gripped his camera nervously.

Jeonnamu started off badly—Haesong trounced them with a score of 15-9 in the first match. They used their physicality to their full advantage, their thick arms utilised as impenetrable walls of defence. Kim Joowon, their first-year player who fought the first round, was barely able to land body kicks on his opponent. He looked crestfallen as he headed back to Jeonnamu’s corner, but Siwon was quick to whisper some words of encouragement into his ear.

Jeonnamu also lost the second match, and disappointment was starting to creep into Donghae’s heart. Siwon, however, seemed unfazed. He was stood at the front with the look of steely concentration, his expression unwavering. When the second match ended, he exchanged a few words with Park Donghyun, one of their senior players, before the latter stepped into the ring for the third match.

The third match was a lively, nail-biting affair. Both players were evenly matched, but Donghyun’s speed forced the Haesong player to open up a bit. They were on a tight score of 13-15 in favour of Haesong in the dying minutes of the round, until Donghyun delivered a swift, spinning double kick that caught the shocked Haesong player by the chest, and earned Jeonnamu 3 crucial points to victory.

The Jeonnamu half of the room erupted then; Donghae almost dropped his camera when he threw his arms into the air. Donghyun’s victory seemed to turn the tide, and Jeonnamu won the fourth match at 14-5.

Then, it was Siwon’s turn. He was going to take on Haesong’s captain, who was easily the biggest man in the room.

He looked calm, almost solemn as he strapped on his headgear, his face devoid of any sign of pressure of participating in the decider against a human behemoth. Donghae, meanwhile, had not felt that nervous over sport since Choi Minho’s game-winning penalty in the Inter-High Football Semi-Finals last year.

The match started tentatively, with both players sizing each other up, looking for openings. The Haesong captain was the first to lash out with an axe kick that Siwon barely evaded. Siwon retaliated with a side kick that caught his opponent’s opening below the arm, earning him a point.

It was a tense match of cautious lulls erupting into intense exchanges of fast kicks and parries. There was a moment that made Donghae cry out, when the Haesong captain delivered a powerful jump kick that hit Siwon fully on the chest and made him stagger. Siwon, however, was quick to recover, successfully landing a curling overhead kick—his speciality—on his opponent.

With a loud cry, Haesong’s captain charged with another powerful flying kick. But Siwon was ready; he ducked and whirled away, then flung his left leg behind him with full force. It caught his opponent by the jaw; the kick was so strong it almost divested him of the helmet.

The Haesong captain collapsed like a battered wall.

The room roared and Siwon disappeared under the bodies of his teammates. Donghae himself yelled with abandon behind the camera, the arms of complete strangers around him. He blindly took photos of anything that laughed, cried, moved or breathed. It was an occasion that was definitely one to remember: After seven years, Jeonnamu’s taekwondo club were back in the play-offs.

Donghae didn’t see Siwon until he was out of the dressing room, freshly showered and back in his casual clothes. Without thinking, Donghae jumped into his arms with a triumphant yell, earning some catcalls from the rest of the taekwondo club. Siwon laughed richly in his ear.

‘That was amazing,’ Donghae enthused. ‘Unbelievable. I thought my heart was going to stop.’

‘You didn’t believe I could do it? I thought you were supposed to be my #1 fan—alright, alright, I’m kidding,’ Siwon winced when Donghae pinched his side. ‘Haesong were as good as people said they were, but we did one better today.’

‘Better? We were fucking awesome!’ said Donghyun, and his teammates cheered in agreement.

The members were still engaged in excited chatter as they made their way to the parking lot. Siwon pulled Donghae back when he tried to follow them. ‘We’re going the other way,’ he said.

‘But the coach--’

‘We can take the train. I want to celebrate with you, first.’ Donghae’s confusion must have shown on his face, because Siwon added, ‘I’ve wanted to take you to this excellent barbecue joint down the road for ages. I promised to join the boys for karaoke night with the Cheonggi girls so we can go on a date.’

_ A date. _ Donghae’s heart fluttered. How could he say no to that?

It was a fantastic place, though Siwon gave a flattering and rather excessive introduction when he ordered the full spread of the best cuts. Donghae had not eaten that much meat since his mother’s birthday.

They browsed through the pictures Donghae took, Siwon occasionally providing commentary on what happened, the things one team did right or wrong in that moment. He hissed when they got to the Haesong captain’s lethal flying kick, which Donghae caught on camera perfectly. ‘That kick went straight through the padding. I’ll feel that for days.’

‘Yours was actually more brutal,’ Donghae said as he scrolled to Siwon’s winning kick. He wished he could’ve taken Siwon’s the photo a little better—he was a little late on the focus because it happened so quickly.

Siwon, however, seemed pleased enough. ‘That got him,’ he remarked proudly.

‘As expected from our Masi. Very horse-like,’ Donghae said, as he mimicked a horse kicking back with its hind legs. Siwon nearly choked on a piece of grilled belly.

Donghae got caught up in the madness of the celebrations for the last few photos. They weren’t very good, but they fully captured the euphoria of the moment—it was hard not to smile upon seeing the raw happiness in them. Siwon, however, sat back thoughtfully after the last photo.

‘You know, I never see good photos of you on IG,’ he mused. ‘You only have the shit ones taken by Hyukjae.’

‘But that’s how it usually is, isn’t it? You take decent photos for everyone but don’t get any for yourself.’

‘Aww. What a waste of your boyish idol looks...’ Siwon pinched his cheeks, his grin widening when Donghae pouted and slapped his hands off. Donghae had learned not to read too much into Siwon’s teasing. The man, he found, was a natural charmer, and if the dramas taught him anything, it was these charmer types were always dangerous.

‘Here.’

Siwon stole the D5200 off his hands and quickly slid out the booth, beyond Donghae’s reach. Donghae eyed his camera worriedly. ‘If you as much as put a scratch on that, Choi Siwon, I swear to God...’

‘I know how to use a DSLR, Lee Donghae, thank you very much.’ Siwon flicked through the settings and brought the camera to his eye. ‘Come on, strike a pose!’

‘W-What pose do you want me to do?’ Donghae only had his own photos taken for the standard 1x1s and 2x2s, and during inevitable occasions like graduations and weddings. He never quite knew what to do with himself when the lens was fixed on him.

‘Hang on, I think there’s something on the lens...’ Siwon turned the camera over to inspect, when the camera flash suddenly blinded him at close range—he had pressed the button accidentally.

Donghae collapsed in fits of laughter while Siwon yelled at him, squinting and groping through his blindness. He looked absolutely ridiculous. The image couldn’t be any farther from the suave chaebol prince the Cheonggi girls—and even some of the Jeonnamu boys—were head over heels for. Donghae knew only a few got to see Siwon being an idiot, and he drew a bit of satisfaction from the fact. (He found this Siwon quite adorable, too.)

He was still wiping his eyes dry when Siwon slid back into the booth, red-faced, as he handed the camera back. ‘I got a fantastic photo of my double chin, but I can’t delete it,’ he muttered.

‘It’s locked so I won’t accidentally delete things. Oh my god, Masi, you’re too much,’ said Donghae, unable to control his hysterical giggles at Siwon’s mildly unflattering photo from the underside of his chin. ‘You’re lucky Hyukjae’s not around, or this photo would be all over the Jeon Daily office. I won’t do that, obviously,’ he added when Siwon’s eyes comically widened with fear.

‘The things I do to make you laugh,’ he grumbled.

‘You don’t need to do much, really...’

And it was true. Having Siwon around was enough to make Donghae smile. Too easily, sometimes. Donghae knew it was going to cause him problems, sooner or later.

He didn’t realise it would cause him problems as soon as that evening, when Hyukjae came barrelling into his room, yelling ‘YAH, DONGHAE-AH!’ as he waved his phone around like an over-excited child. Donghae had just enough time to grab his laptop out of harm’s way before Eunhyuk jumped onto his bed knees-first.

‘You almost broke my laptop, you dumbass!’

‘Never mind your stupid laptop, you went out with Masi for barbecue without telling me?!’

‘What are you—‘

‘Look at this! Haven’t you checked IG yet?’ Hyukjae shoved the phone to his face. It took Donghae seconds to realise that he was looking at a photo of himself on Siwon’s Instagram account. It was a candid photo: He was leaning slightly forward, his eyes scrunched closed in laughter. The yellow light and the thin smoke from the grill softened his features, while the shadow added depth and focus to draw the eye solely on him.

The caption sent blood racing to the tip of his ears.

_@choisiwon: As I thought, a smile really suits him best. _

**WEEK SIXTEEN.**

If only they just had the regional tournament to worry about, but there was, unfortunately, the small matter of end-of-term exams that needed dealing with.

They managed to convince Heechul and Hyukjae to join them for a study group in a nearby self-study cafe. Donghae was a little sceptical, but Siwon had a point: Heechul and Hyukjae may act like a pair of idiots, but they were undeniably some of Jeonnamu’s finest students.

Heechul was easily in the top ten, though he was struck off the honours list due to his disciplinary record. Hyukjae didn’t look much with his thick-framed glasses and a sense of fashion inspired by hip-hop and the American ghetto culture (for the record, it was a disgraceful imitation), but he was the news editor of the Jeon Daily and a fiction writing champion, and his mastery of their vernacular was second to none. Donghae had to begrudgingly admit he could use Hyukjae’s help in that area. Korean was an absolute nightmare for Donghae—a mystery to Mr Kim and his classmates, and even to Donghae himself.

It seemed like a sound plan, until they started revising the History of the Joseon Dynasty. Within a few minutes Heechul and Hyukjae’s discussion had been derailed from the accuracy of their textbook to the historical accuracy of _ Love in the Moonlight _ . Donghae only shot Siwon a knowing, _ I-told-you-so _ look.

Heechul and Hyukjae had started bickering over period drama costumes when Siwon suddenly stood up. Donghae thought he finally had enough, but Siwon only stretched out his arms, patted his back pocket for his wallet, then told Donghae, ‘I’m getting coffee. You want some?’

Heechul and Hyukjae immediately stopped fighting.

‘What about us?’

‘Why are you only asking him?’

‘First the barbecue, now the coffee? This is blatant favouritism!’

‘Okay, okay.’ Siwon rolled his eyes. ‘What do you useless bastards want?’

‘Citron tea!’ ‘Banana milk!’ ‘And get us some snacks too, while you’re at it...’

‘Dickheads,’ Siwon muttered as he walked off. Siwon had the patience of a saint, but it didn’t surprise Donghae at all that Heechul and Hyukjae had managed to break it. He glared at his friends—he didn’t particularly like the way Heechul leered at him with a Cheshire cat grin.

‘Seems like our Siwonnie has a bias,’ said Heechul. ‘He’s taken a real shine to you, hasn’t he, Fishy?’

‘Only because you’re both idiots!’

‘You have been spending a lot of time with Masi lately,’ added Hyukjae, relentless. ‘You don’t even play video games with me anymore! You’re making me jealous, _ jagi-ya _...’

Donghae was trying to pull himself free of Hyukjae’s eel-like arms around him when a loud, buzzing noise rattled their table. The other students immediately turned to shush and glare at them as they frantically searched for the source of the noise. Donghae looked under Siwon’s workbook and found the cause: Siwon’s mobile was on vibrate, and someone was calling him.

Donghae saw the photo of a handsome, thick-browed, dewy-faced boy and the name “Suho” before the call was dropped.

‘That damn chaebol leaving his shit lying around!’ ranted Heechul.

Donghae, however, wasn’t listening. He realised then that it was 9 PM. Siwon had gotten a call or text like clockwork, but it wasn’t from his parents nor his driver—it was from another boy.

The phone lit up with a notification. It was a message from Suho.

_Suho: Siwonnie, I’m done. See you at the usual <3 _

_Suho: Buy some snacks on the way. I’m hungry!! _

He shut off the display in panic. Donghae felt like he saw something he shouldn’t.

‘Give me that.’ Hyukjae grabbed the phone from Donghae’s hands before Donghae could protest. He scrolled for the camera and raised the phone above his and Heechul’s faces. ‘Let’s give our boy a nice souvenir. Smile, Heenim!’

The pair took a mix of silly, suggestive, and _ aegyo _ selcas, before Hyukjae aimed the camera at Donghae. ‘Bonus photo so Masi won’t kill us. Smile, Fishy!’

‘I don’t want—‘ Donghae reached out to grab the phone, but Hyukjae only cackled and moved out of reach as he took a photo anyway.

Heechul slapped Hyukjae’s arm. ‘Masi’s on his way back!’

‘Shit.’ Hyukjae went round the other side of the table to avoid Donghae’s retaliatory kicks. He set the phone on top of Siwon’s workbook just as Siwon popped around the corner, a tray of drinks and snacks on hand. His face brightened when he saw his phone.

‘There it is! I was wondering where I put it.’

‘Don’t leave your shit lying around, idiot,’ said Heechul in an innocent, motherly tone. ‘Someone was calling you, by the way, but we didn’t see who it was.’

Siwon paused halfway through handing out drinks. Donghae might’ve imagined it, but a flicker of alarm crossed Siwon’s face. ‘Sorry. It’s probably my mother,’ he said, a little too calmly. ‘I put my phone on vibrate, didn’t I?’

‘Sure. It was as quiet as Hyukjae's stomach after ten cartons of milk. I thought the high schoolers around us were going to riot,’ said Heechul.

‘Is Mrs Choi worried her perfect son and heir is being corrupted by his middle-class schoolmates?’ Siwon ignored him as he scrolled through his messages. Hyukjae sighed. ‘Honestly, I wish my mother would call me about something else other than groceries...’ 

‘Your own mother doesn’t want to talk to you? I’m not the least bit surprised,’ said Heechul cattily, blowing on his nails for effect.

‘I have to go.’ Siwon pinched Donghae’s cheek. ‘Sorry to leave you with these two,' he said, thumbing towards Heechul thrashing against Hyukjae’s headlock. Donghae forced a smile and nodded.

After Siwon left, Heechul immediately piped up, ’10,000 won says it’s a girl.’

‘I’m not even taking you up on that,’ said Hyukjae. ‘The guy’s, like, the typical chick magnet straight out of a drama. How could it not be?’

It was a boy, Donghae wanted to say. And it seemed Siwon didn’t want them to know about it.

**WEEK EIGHTEEN.**

Siwon spent more time with the taekwondo club towards the end of the first term after Sungmin increased their training hours for the regionals. He still dropped by the library every so often, sometimes with a cup of coffee for Donghae. Donghae tried his best to act normal—it would be so much easier if Siwon wasn’t such a sweetheart—but the thought of Suho persistently niggled at him.

What did Siwon have to hide?

He felt more unsettled the more he thought about it. The question danced at the tip of his tongue every time he saw Siwon in class, but Donghae held it back. The last thing Siwon needed at that point was a distraction.

Donghae, at least, had the school paper to keep his mind occupied. That day, the members of the Jeon Daily convened for their bi-monthly meeting to discuss assignments and coverage for the upcoming semester. At the forefront was Leeteuk, the editor-in-chief, while the rest of the members sat around the table: Hyukjae, the news editor; Shindong, the features editor; then Ryeowook and Kyuhyun, the writers; Donghae was sat beside Yesung, their graphic artist, and Kangin, their layout artist. Heechul played video games at the back, and was allowed to hang around by merit of his friendship with the Jeon Daily members.

Donghae didn’t envy Leeteuk’s position at all. At times it seemed Leeteuk was a schoolteacher wrangling a bunch of five-year olds.

‘Let’s discuss sports,’ said Leeteuk, his voice a little strained after fifteen minutes of debate over the school winter festival coverage. ‘We’ve got football on the first week of the second term. Saturday afternoon against Songdae.’

‘Songdae are shit,’ said Shindong, matter-of-fact. ‘I’m predicting a run-of-the-mill win for Jeonnamu. That’s hardly news.’

‘Choi Minho is always news,’ Hyukjae pointed out.

‘Hyung’s right. We might as well just run a weekly interview with Minho for regular readership,’ said Kyuhyun.

‘Absolutely not.’ Shindong wrinkled his nose. ‘That sounds too hormonal teenager magazine for me.’

‘What about the taekwondo regionals?’ said Donghae. ‘It’s the first time we’ve made it to regionals after a while...’

Leeteuk nodded. ‘That’s worth an article, I think. We haven’t done a write-up on the taekwondo club since their opening match.’ He glanced sharply at Ryeowook at the memory of the incident. The junior meekly shuffled closer to Kyuhyun.

‘The transfer student’s in that club, isn’t he?’ said Kangin.

‘Siwonnie? Yeah, he is. What’s up? Oh my god, does God’s No. 1 disciple actually have a scandal?!’ Hyukjae said excitedly when Kangin kept silent after the confirmation.

‘I guess you could put it that way,’ Kangin said slowly. Hyukjae’s grin faded at the anxious look on Kangin’s face.

‘You know I don’t approve of gossip around here, Kim Youngwoon,’ said Leeteuk, though he cupped his chin and leant forward, suggestive of his discreet interest. Even Heechul had closed his gaming app and pulled his chair closer to the table.

‘I know. But it is starting to spread, Teukkie,’ said Kangin.

‘What’s the rumour, hyung?’

Kangin looked at the curious, expectant members of the Jeon Daily around him. He licked his lips nervously. ‘I have a friend at Daemoon High School. It’s the school Choi Siwon went to before he transferred to Jeonnamu,’ he began in hushed tones. ‘Siwon was quite popular in Daemoon, too. But at the end of their first year, he got involved in a violent brawl with one of the school gangs. It ended up with a first-year boy being hospitalised.’

Donghae couldn’t believe it. ‘Siwon-ah? In a brawl?’

‘Those exclusive school brats always take it a step too far,’ said Shindong, shaking his head.

‘The gang had been bullying the first year because he was rumoured to be...’ Kangin paused. ‘Well, he was rumoured to be gay. That time they beat up the poor guy pretty badly. Siwon intervened before it got any worse.’

‘After that incident, malicious rumours about this boy and Siwon began to spread. It was all hearsay, of course, something probably cooked up by the gang members themselves, but in the end Siwon was forced to transfer schools. We probably didn’t hear about all this because his family asked Daemoon and Jeonnamu to keep it quiet.’

The Jeon Daily members were silent after Kangin’s story. Donghae gripped his knees—not once had Siwon given any inkling about the gravity of his problems. Meanwhile, Donghae spent the past few days harbouring petty resentment for Siwon and a complete stranger. Shame and guilt coiled and nestled unpleasantly in Donghae’s gut.

‘Obviously I’d have done the same. I mean, I’ve done worse before,’ said Heechul casually. ‘The teachers do nothing to protect us. Who else have we got to rely on?’

‘Being gay is a problematic rumour to have, though,’ said Kyuhyun sensibly. ‘Not everyone takes kindly to that.’

‘It’s not gonna be a problem here, is it?’

The Jeon Daily members turned to Donghae in mild surprise—the photographer rarely spoke out of turn, and certainly not in the aggressive tone he now effected. Donghae didn’t know what had come over him, either, but his mind had zeroed in on one, lone thought: _ this is about me, too. _

‘It won’t be a problem with us, Donghae-ah. I’ll make sure of that,’ said Leeteuk kindly.

‘I wouldn’t worry about us. We’re cool,’ said Hyukjae. ‘If anything, it’s Masi’s Cheonggi fangirl army we have to worry about.’

But Donghae knew it wasn’t that simple.

**FIVE YEARS AGO. YI SUN-SIN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, WINTER BREAK.**

Yunho was the first to know.

Donghae was on his last year of primary school. Donghwa called it the age of discovery: of first loves and lusts, when girls—the nitpicky, fussy, chatty nuisances they used to flip skirts or wipe snot on—were re-introduced in a shapely form of boggling physical and emotional attraction. It was only natural, Dongwha reassured, a biological phenomenon. They were, after all, at the cusp of adolescence.

Yunho was a little non-committal on the subject. With a tall, athletic physique, he was the subject of passionate, if not rabid, female attention, but Donghae never saw him reciprocate the interest.

Yunho suddenly sprung it on him, one day over their usual after-school football one-on-one.

‘Do you think it’s weird that I’m not interested in any of the girls?’

Donghae wasn’t even aware that Yunho was bothered by his apparent asexuality. He wasn’t entirely sure why Yunho sought his opinion, either. ‘I don’t know,’ he said carefully. ‘Why would I find that weird?’

‘I turned down Eunjoo-ssi’s offer to have lunch together. The boys said I was out of my mind.’ Yunho’s frown deepened. ‘I mean, she’s pretty, but her personality’s a little... boring.’ 

‘I wouldn’t lose sleep over it,’ said Donghae. ‘Eunjoo-ssi’s a bit of a bully. She’s not all that anyway—even Jaejoong-hyung’s prettier than her.’

Yunho sighed. ‘You’re not wrong.’

That gave Donghae an idea of what Yunho’s problem really was, but he wasn’t brave enough to suggest. ‘I’m going home,’ he said instead.

‘Hang on, you can’t run away!’ Yunho laughed, and he playfully pulled Donghae back by his shorts. ‘You’ve got your fair share of girls too, like—that girl from the other class, what’s her name again? Sooyoung? What do you think of her?’

‘She’s nice,’ Donghae said in a dismissive tone. He wasn’t happy with the way the conversation was going.

‘”Nice?”’ Yunho caught him around the neck and rubbed his knuckles against his head. ‘Come now, don’t be shy. Tell hyung how you really feel...’

‘Stop it, Yunho-hyung! I really don’t like her that way!’

‘Ah, that’s too bad.’ When Donghae didn’t say anything else, Yunho prodded, ‘Well? Any lucky girl caught your eye yet?’

Donghae chose his next words carefully. ‘I... don’t like any of them that way.’

As soon as the words left his mouth, Donghae knew there was no turning back. Donghae shivered as the winter breeze passed. It felt like his insides had turned to ice.

‘What? How can you not like any of them?’ Yunho chuckled. ‘Are you planning to become a monk?’

‘You don’t get it, hyung,’ he whispered. ‘I have a different type of _like_.’

‘A different type...’ Yunho’s laughter died. ‘Oh.’

Donghae looked down at his boots. Telling Yunho was always going to be a massive risk— Donghae was, after all, putting his only real friendship at stake—but he deserved the truth.

‘Hey, don’t cry,’ said Yunho gently, and Donghae quickly wiped at his cheeks. ‘How long have you known?’

Donghae sniffled. ‘When I was seven, Appa took us to a traditional bathhouse for the first time. It was a nightmare. I felt scared and uncomfortable surrounded by naked, grown men. Like I was doing something wrong, and I didn’t understand why.’

‘I came by one of Donghwa’s websites, a few months after. That was the first time I saw a naked girl I didn’t know. I knew it was supposed to make you feel bad things, but I felt nothing. Then I remembered how I felt in the bathhouse...’

Yunho hummed. Donghae found the courage to peek at him—he looked like he was giving Donghae’s words some serious thought. ‘Are you angry?’ Donghae asked meekly.

‘No. Why would I be?’ Yunho asked, surprised. ‘I’m just amazed you have it all figured out, that’s all. Do Uncle and Auntie know?’

Donghae thought about the awkward moment his father caught him kissing a poster of H.O.T.’s Kangta and shuddered. ‘If they do, they didn’t say anything.’

Yunho nodded in sympathy. He wiped Donghae’s tears with the palm of his hand. ‘I’m sorry if I teased you about Sooyoung. I went overboard.’

Donghae shook his head. ‘I should be the one apologising.’

‘For what?’

‘For being a burden, since I’m like this.’

Donghae cried out when Yunho struck him soundly at the back of the head. ‘That really hurt! What was that for?’

‘You big idiot,’ Yunho said. ‘Don’t ever apologise for being yourself! You don’t owe that to anyone!’

It was the most powerful thing anyone has ever said to Donghae at the time.

‘This changes a lot of things.’ Yunho added thoughtfully. ‘I guess I should be asking you about the boys you like, instead...’

Donghae complained about Yunho’s merciless teasing that entire afternoon, but it was a brief moment of happiness that Donghae still cherished, years after. It was, after all, the moment he found his first love.

**WEEK TWENTY-TWO.**

The regional play-offs were held in a larger dojang in Gyesan-dong. Siwon had invited him to come, as usual, but Donghae made no promises. It was almost an hour’s commute from Seo-gu, and Donghae had half a mind to sit it out until Hyukjae volunteered to go with him.

Donghae later learned Hyukjae’s intentions were more selfish than supportive. ‘Let’s get Masi to treat us to lunch,’ he said, rubbing his hands together. ‘It’s the least he owes us after we came all this way.’

‘You’re shameless,’ said Donghae. He looked around in a daze, overwhelmed by the size of the crowd that had come to watch. Their first opponent, after all, was Kyunggi High School, who were considered one of the traditional taekwondo powerhouses. Kyunggi had just narrowly lost out to Cheongdam in last year’s finals, hence the expectations to win this year were high; their ruthless streak in the preliminaries was a fair warning. Unsurprisingly, they had drawn in a large crowd, with a quarter of the audience in Kyunggi’s sky blue colours. Meanwhile, Jeonnamu had brought in a small but vocal contingent clad in their own colours of verdant green, with a few female representatives from neighbouring Cheonggi.

They began to rouse when a figure emerged from the changing rooms. It was Siwon, in his uniform, looking every bit a prince amongst men as the adoring crowd cheered and screamed for him.

‘Will you look at that,’ Eunhyuk said, and even he sounded impressed. ‘I didn’t realise we were friends with the high schooler Lee Byung-Hun!’

Siwon, however, seemed slightly distracted; he peered around the gym anxiously, as if he was looking for someone. Perhaps Donghae had been binge-watching too many dramas with Hyukjae, but the scene was playing out like a romantic cliche. Donghae swore even time slowed down a little.

Siwon parted the crowd around him, edging closer to where Donghae was standing. Donghae’s pulse began to race.

He took a step forward, his lips just parting to call out Siwon’s name.

_ ‘Over here, Siwonnie!’ _

The words died in Donghae’s throat. Siwon paused and looked away towards the Kyunggi benches, where a young man in sky blue waved at him excitedly. It was a face Donghae had committed to his mind, as if it was captured on film.

Suho looked even more radiant and beautiful in person.

Siwon jogged towards him with a bright smile. They shared a brief hug before Siwon leant over to whisper in his ear—probably something hilariously corny, knowing Siwon—which made Suho throw his head back elegantly in laughter. He playfully punched Siwon’s shoulder as he sent him off.

‘—hae-ah! DONGHAE-AH!’

Hyukjae delivered a stinging slap to the back of his head. Donghae dazedly rubbed at the sore spot.

‘Get it together, Fishy. You’ve been spacing out since we came here,’ Hyukjae hissed. ‘Where’s your camera? The match is starting!’

But Donghae’s thoughts were all over the place (_Is he? Are they?) _ and there was a tightness in his chest that he couldn’t make sense of, a skein of feelings of embarrassment, hurt, and frustration that made the room seem ten times smaller, the air thin. Siwon had taken his place in the ring, right across where Donghae was standing, but Siwon wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at Suho, whose voice rang loud and clear from the stands as he screamed “Fighting!” more loudly than the rest.

Donghae was a sensible person. He always tried to see things for what they are. And Donghae knew he was staring at heartbreak.

‘I’m sorry, I can’t,’ he whispered, before he pushed past a surprised Hyukjae and fled the room.

**WEEK TWENTY-THREE.**

It was a panic attack. That was Donghae’s official story, and he blamed it on the overwhelmingly massive crowd that watched the match that day. It surprised Donghae how easy it was to sell it to the Jeon Daily staff—he was looking peaky that past few days, they said—and his failure to do his job properly was readily forgiven. All he owed by the end of it, as Hyukjae was keen to remind him, was a week’s rations of sugary drinks. Hyukjae had to take notes and photos at the same time while Donghae waited at a nearby 7-11 to calm himself down.

Siwon heard all about it from the flappy-lipped anchovy himself, despite Donghae’s explicit instruction to Hyukjae to do the exact opposite. He was quick to mother him the moment he came to class (“Are you eating properly?” “I have tea that supposedly helps you calm down.” “Do you want to ride with me in the coach for the quarterfinals?”), but his kindness only grated on Donghae’s nerves.

Donghae had a long, serious think about Siwon over the weekend. He had come to terms that he was a high school boy—that acne-riddled, hormone-fueled, formative point in life where a man is at his most emotionally vulnerable. It was the ripe time for disgusting things like puppy love and boyhood crushes, and Siwon was probably just that.

He already had his heart broken once. He really should know better by now.

Donghae hoped he could get over it quickly; just looking at Siwon made his chest twinge. It didn’t help that Siwon had no sense of personal boundaries. The boy even had the gall to cup his face.

‘You’re spacing out again,’ he said softly. ‘You should probably go home.’

Donghae snapped. ‘Don’t you have better things to do than to mother me around?’

A flicker of hurt crossed Siwon’s face, and he withdrew his hand. The outburst was loud enough to catch Heechul and Hyukjae’s attention, but before they could pry Mr Kim made a timely entrance.

Donghae could feel the weight of Siwon’s stare behind him. Knowing Siwon was looking at him, and only him, made him feel oddly satisfied.

Donghae begged off lunch, and surprisingly neither Hyukjae nor Heechul objected—perhaps he looked much worse than he thought. Siwon stood a little ways from them, watching him quietly like a mollified child. Donghae burrowed his head into his arms and tried not to think about Siwon’s pitiful face, to put aside the guilt that gnawed at his heart.

When he woke, there was a bag containing a sandwich and a can of juice in front of him, and he was warmed by a jacket around his shoulders. The jacket smelled crisp with a familiar musk—Donghae couldn’t put a finger on where he knew that scent from, but it was a comforting smell.

He was nibbling at the corner of the sandwich when his friends came back.

‘I bought that with my own money so you better eat properly, you brat,’ said Heechul.

Donghae flashed a grateful smile. ‘Thanks, Heenim. Is the jacket yours, too?’

‘Nah, that’s Masi’s,’ said Hyukjae. 

_ That smell. _Donghae’s eyes widened in realisation.

Hyukjae crossed his arms. ‘Did something happen between you two that we should know about?’

‘No,’ he said firmly, and that was god’s honest truth. Siwon had absolutely no idea.

Siwon entered the classroom. Their eyes met, and the monster uncoiled itself in Donghae’s gut again, twisting uncomfortably. Panicked, he began to wriggle out of Siwon’s jacket, but Siwon held onto his arm. ‘Keep it on,’ he said gently, as he rearranged and smoothed the jacket around Donghae’s shoulders, his broad palms warm and forgiving where it touched him.

Heechul rolled his eyes at Donghae’s flushed face. ‘You’re damn lucky he loves you, Fishy.'

‘Not at all,’ Donghae whispered, and it hurt how true that actually was.

*

His friends apparently had an agreement over lunch to gang up on Donghae and frog-march him out the school gates immediately after classes ended.

‘You won’t go home early if we leave you on your own, so we’re making sure,’ said Heechul.

‘I’ve already told omma to expect you for dinner. She’s making porridge,’ said Hyukjae.

‘I’m not five,’ Donghae whined.

‘You act like it half the time.’ Hyukjae flicked his forehead. ‘Get some rest, Fishy. I need you for Masi’s quarterfinals next week.’ He turned to Siwon and warned, ‘You’re not bailing on us for lunch this time,’ the threat punctuated with a sharp elbow to Siwon’s side.

Siwon rolled his eyes. ‘I won’t.’

Satisfied, Heechul and Hyukjae trotted back inside, but Siwon didn’t. He slung his schoolbag over his shoulder instead. ‘Shall we?’

Donghae shook his head at him, puzzled.

‘I’m going to take you home,’ Siwon said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

'Hyukjae’s house is literally less than a ten minute walk from here, Siwon-ah.’

‘Yeah, but...’ Siwon ran a hand through his hair. ‘Are you well enough to walk? It’s a little cold out.’

‘I’m fine.’ Donghae shuffled his feet awkwardly. ‘Thanks anyway. You should go.’

Before he could scurry away, Siwon reached out and grabbed him firmly by the wrist. ‘Did I do something to make you angry?’ he asked.

‘No,’ said Donghae quickly. ‘Why would you think that?’

‘Lately, you’ve been a little...’ The grip around his wrist tightened. ‘Nevermind, just... Let me walk you home. Please. It’ll make me feel better too.’

‘That doesn’t make sense.’ Donghae was desperate. Why was Siwon being so difficult?

‘I just want to make sure you get home safely,’ said Siwon. ‘If something happens to you I won’t be able to live with myself.’

‘That’s a bit over-the-top. I won’t pass out on the street, you know. I’m not that fragile.’

‘I know you’re not, and that’s why I worry. You tend to keep things to yourself, even when you shouldn’t.’

‘...are you always this persistent?’ 

Siwon shrugged, his dimples on full show.

With an annoyed sigh, Donghae started down the road. Siwon took it as an invitation; he caught up with Donghae and slung a friendly arm around his shoulders, beaming. Much as he tried to suppress it, the warmth that enveloped him made Donghae smile, too.

Donghae rarely left school before dark, so it was an interesting change to see his usual route in the sun’s setting light, the lampposts and the shop signs flickering to life as they passed. He glanced at Siwon, who was looking around the shops with interest. Siwon’s sudden protectiveness was as enjoyable as it was unsettling. Was he always this doting on everyone? Donghae didn’t know what to make of it. His treacherous heart, however, murmured suggestively.

They stopped by a busy crossing. Donghae shifted closer to avoid the oncoming crowd, catching Siwon’s attention. ‘Are you cold?’ he asked. They were close enough that Donghae could feel the deep rumble of Siwon’s voice.

‘No.’

Siwon rubbed his shoulders anyway. ‘We’re almost there. We turn left after that corner, right?’

Donghae bit his lip. The only way to know Siwon’s real motive was to ask.

‘Siwon-ah...’ Donghae tightly gripped his schoolbag. ‘Why are you always so good to me?’

To his surprise, Siwon laughed out loud. ‘What kind of a question is that? Aren’t friends supposed to be like that?’

‘It’s just... Hyukjae complains about how you treat me better, all the time.’

‘Don’t mind that idiot. He’s been bitter ever since I treated you to barbecue.’ They turned into the smaller road leading to the Lee’s, leaving the light and bustle of the busy street behind them. The neighbourhood was quiet and empty, the street softly illuminated by the serene, yellow light of the lampposts. In that lull of peace, Donghae could clearly hear the steadily quickening beat of his own heart.

‘But if I’m honest,’ Siwon said, his tone shifting lower, ‘I do enjoy spoiling you, Lee Donghae.’

Donghae laughed nervously. This wasn’t good—whenever he was flustered he was bound to do something stupid. ‘Right, right, because I’m a brat. I’ve heard that one before.’

‘I’m being serious here.’ Siwon stood in front of him and held him by his shoulders. Donghae had no choice but to look at Siwon’s handsome face: at the way it glowed, at how the shadows added an alluring sharpness to his features. ‘Stop thinking so badly of yourself,’ he chastised lightly. ‘I’m not sure if anyone has told you this before, but you’re honestly the easiest person to love.’

Donghae closed his eyes; the way Siwon’s lips moved was too distracting. ‘You wouldn’t say that, if you knew,’ he murmured.

Siwon frowned slightly. ‘Knew what?’

‘What I’m really like.’

Siwon snorted. ‘You can’t be any worse than Heechul, surely.’

Donghae’s heart hammered loudly in his chest. Siwon was so invitingly close, and he smelled absolutely divine.

‘You were a bit of a dick in the beginning.’ Siwon teased. ‘Though to be fair I did accuse you of looking at—‘

Siwon never got to finish his sentence because Donghae’s lips had come crashing onto his.

Time stood still. There was silence but for the blood pounding in his ears, as he, Lee Donghae, kissed Choi Siwon.

It wasn’t clear who pulled back or pushed away. When they broke apart, the shock on Siwon’s face was paralleled by Donghae’s mortified expression.

'What…' Siwon brought a hand to his lips.

Before the stupidity of his actions could fully sink in for either of them, Donghae hastily bid him goodnight, and made a run for it.

*****

It was, without question, a _ very _stupid thing to do.

Donghae barely slept that night. There was no logic, no rational explanation to his actions. All he remembered was Siwon’s lips hovering close enough to be caught with the slightest lean, then the press of Siwon’s cool, chapped lips against his, still intensely vivid in his mind.

Donghae wailed into his pillow.

He considered skipping school the next day, but before he could make his excuses Hyukjae’s mother had placed a hand on his forehead and declared him fit before pulling the covers off him mercilessly. (Hyukjae’s gleeful face betrayed not an ounce of sympathy.)

His stomach felt like it was eating itself as he shuffled towards their classroom. Hyukjae lumbered on in front of him, completely unaware of his predicament. He threw the classroom door open.

‘Yo Masi, my man!’

Donghae’s stomach dropped.

Siwon looked up from the magazine he was reading and held his hand up for a high-five, like usual. He caught Donghae’s gaze over Hyukjae’s shoulder and smiled.

‘Feeling better today, Donghae-ah?’

The casual, friendly tone caught Donghae off-guard. There was nothing about his face nor his body language that betrayed the events of the previous night. In fact, Siwon looked positively standard, without any trace of unease, disgust or loathing.

It was as if nothing happened.

Lunch was the same. Siwon gave nothing away about their little incident as he laughed and bantered with Heechul and Hyukjae. There were a few moments when Donghae thought he caught Siwon watching him from the corner of his eye, but by the time he turned Siwon had looked away, appearing deeply engaged in conversation.

The lack of acknowledgment made Donghae feel worse. A punch to the face would have felt better.

As the conversation carried on, and Siwon let out a generous laugh at one of Heechul’s quick-witted jokes, Donghae finally had enough. ‘I’m off,’ he said, and stood up quickly.

‘Eh? Where are you going?’

‘Library. Have a paper to work on.’

He walked out before any of his friends could protest. He could feel Siwon staring at the back of his head, but he didn’t say anything.

Tears stung Donghae’s eyes. Words hurt, but silence cuts just as deep.

*

Donghae found other reasons to avoid his friends for lunch that week. He needed that space, to hole himself up in solitude and think. Throughout that time, Siwon still gave no reaction, not even a passing remark, though the conversations between them had become stilted; their interactions cold and distant. So far, Hyukjae and Heechul had not asked any questions, but Donghae knew it was only a matter of time.

It was the night before the taekwondo quarterfinals. Donghae bid his classmates goodbye (Siwon nodded and waved at him awkwardly), and he was about to head off to the library when Hyukjae dragged him the other way.

‘We’re going out,’ he commanded.

Hyukjae took him to one of their favourite haunts—a tented stall that sold the best skewered chicken in Seo-gu. After getting their orders, Hyukjae got straight down to business.

‘I know what’s going on.’

Donghae chewed on his chicken calmly. ‘Of course you should. You’re a news editor.’

‘Don’t play coy, Lee Donghae.’ He leant closer. ‘You and Masi have been acting strange since he took you home.’ When Donghae didn’t reply, Hyukjae said, ‘Were the rumours about him true? Did he, you know, make advances—’

‘No!’ Donghae cried, appalled. ‘Siwon isn’t like that! He would never do that!’

‘Okay, okay! Relax,’ said Hyukjae, nonplussed. ‘I’m just saying, something _ obviously _ happened between you two. You’ve been avoiding all of us like we’re Minho’s loony fanboys hounding you for exclusive photos. Masi’s been really out of it, too. Sungmin-ssi said he kept losing focus during training. He’s a little worried about the quarterfinals tomorrow.’

Donghae’s heart plummeted.

‘Shit,’ he said, burying his head into his hands. ‘Shit shit shit. It’s all my fault.’

‘A-ha, so you _ did _ have a fight.’ Hyukjae squeezed Donghae’s arm when he didn’t look up. ‘C’mon, it can’t be that bad. What did you do this time?’

Donghae fisted his hands and told him.

*

It was the longest Hyukjae had ever been quiet.

They walked home in silence after Donghae revealed all, not just about Siwon, but about himself. Hyukjae occasionally mumbled about how certain things suddenly made sense, and his disappointment at his own failure to piece things together.

‘You managed to keep it from me for five fucking years,’ he said repeatedly, in utter disbelief.

Hyukjae was still mum about the subject when they went to bed. Donghae watched the shadows shift on the ceiling as Hyukjae breathed noisily beside him, obviously awake.

He had taken it well, to Donghae’s relief, though it was no surprise. Hyukjae has always been laid-back and unprejudiced, and the most accepting person Donghae knew. He remembered clearly how, on his first year in Incheon back in middle school, his classmates made fun of him as a country boy (‘You smell like fish!’ was a staple), but Hyukjae always came to his defence, though he was as thin as a twig and had no fighting prowess to speak of. He was the king of idiots, but he had a heart of gold.

‘Hey, Fishy?’ Hyukjae finally spoke.

‘Yeah?’

He turned to look at him, his eyes searching. ‘Are you, like, _ really _ serious about Masi?’

The light of a passing car briefly swept away the shadows off the ceiling. ‘It was meant to be a harmless crush,’ he said quietly. ‘He was supposed to be just a rich, arrogant asshole with a pretty face who’s nice to look at and talk to sometimes. Someone to admire from afar.’

Hyukjae snorted. ‘Yeah. That sounds _ exactly _ like Masi to me.'

‘But he wasn’t just that_, _Hyukjae. That’s the problem. He told bad jokes and had weird quirks. He looked cool most of the time but he had his dumb, funny moments which I can’t help but find cute. Then he turned out to be a great friend, too. He told me that night that I was the easiest person to love. How unfair is that? How can you not fall for a person like that?’

The room darkened as the shadows settled once again. Donghae shuddered as the weight of his admission pressed heavily against him.

‘He was so close...’ he whispered. ‘I kissed him before I even knew what I was doing...’

Hyukjae stayed silent for a few moments. As if coming to a conclusion, he said, ‘It sounds like you're crazy in love, brother.’

Donghae snorted. It sounded ridiculously obvious coming from someone else.

The springs creaked as Hyukjae turned away. ‘Don’t be too hard on yourself, Fishy. We’re in high school. You’re a hormonal teenager who’s into dudes, and one of your best friends happens to be the finest of them. Of course you’re going to do something stupid.’

‘I don’t want him to hate me, Hyukjae.’ Donghae confessed. ‘There’s no way he’s ever going to be interested in me, at all.’

‘Yeah?’ Hyukjae hummed thoughtfully. ‘I’m not so sure about that.’

**WEEK TWENTY-FOUR.**

Hyukjae exploded when Donghae said he was not going to the quarterfinals.

He was having none of Donghae’s teenage angst and bratty protestations, he said. Donghae was going to be professional and carry out his responsibility as the Jeon Daily official photographer, or Hyukjae was going to call Leeteuk. Ryeowook’s suspension was still fresh in his memory, so Donghae had to reluctantly agree.

‘Siwon won’t be happy to see me,’ Donghae pointed out.

‘We can just hide your face,’ Hyukjae suggested.

And so Donghae went to Gyesan-dong for the quarterfinals in a bucket hat, a pair of thick-framed glasses and a mask, feeling as suspicious as he looked, and he told Hyukjae as much. ‘I like the hat, though,’ he said. It covered half his face, made him look invisible.

Hyukjae eyed him with disdain. ‘Aren’t gay people supposed to have good fashion sense?’

‘As if you have any right to speak, you gangnam fashion reject...’

As they entered the gym, the very person Donghae was trying to avoid appeared from the dressing room. Donghae quickly did an about-turn and slid out of sight behind a vending machine, pulling a stunned Hyukjae with him. He quickly slapped a hand over Hyukjae’s protesting mouth as Siwon lingered around the room.

Minutes passed, and his eager face began to wilt; whatever, _ whoever _ it was he was waiting for, never came.

Siwon shuffled out the room, dejected—Donghae’s heart immediately went out to him, despite the circumstances. 

Hyukjae wriggled out of Donghae’s suffocating hand. ‘This is getting ridiculous,’ he hissed. ‘You’re not even gonna get recognised in that stupid hat!’

But Donghae realised he didn’t need the disguise, after all. Siwon’s mind was too busy looking for someone, and Donghae found it painfully easy to guess who.

*

They were up against Cheongdam, the previous year’s finalists. The Cheongdam players looked downright sinister; Donghae didn’t like the way they whispered among themselves as they eyed and leered at the Jeonnamu players. One of the taller players approached Siwon and whispered something; by Siwon’s hard expression it seemed rather inflammatory. He knew, immediately, that it was going to be an ugly round.

‘I don’t like the look of them,’ he said to Hyukjae. ‘They look like they’re up to something bad.’

‘You’re not wrong,’ said Hyukjae. ‘I spoke to one of the Kyunggi students in the last round. He said Cheongdam were a bunch of dirty cheating thugs.’

Donghae’s ominous feelings about the match worsened.

Siwon was the first to spar, matched against the tall Cheongdam player who approached him. It was a nervy start—the opponent’s slight height advantage made head kicks a little more difficult. He was a limber and tricky player, and he evaded and parried Siwon’s attacks with worrying ease.

As Siwon was recovering from a blocked attempt, the Cheongdam player trod on Siwon’s foot, causing Siwon to cry out.

It happened in a blink of an eye, and was done so cunningly that even Donghae, in full attention behind his camera, didn’t catch it. The Jeonnamu crowd buzzed furiously, but the referee merely separated the players and motioned to restart the match.

The frustration was obvious on Siwon’s face, but he calmly persisted. The Cheongdam player was beginning to tire, his openings beginning to show. Siwon was quick to exploit them, and he landed a strong kick to his opponent’s chest, winding him. Before he could fully recover Siwon whirled and slammed his heel against his head.

The Jeonnamu crowd, buoyed by the move, whistled and booed at the opposing player excitedly. The Cheongdam player’s face twisted in anger. With a roar, he sliced a vicious kick across Siwon’s face.

Donghae nearly dropped his camera as he watched Siwon crumple to the floor, clutching his face. Blood trickled through his hands.

The Jeonnamu staff swarmed Siwon instantly. The referee flapped his hands helplessly between both teams as the tension escalated. Donghyun strode forward and shouted obscenities at the offending player, but Sungmin was quick to pull him back before the Cheongdam bench could react. The entire crowd was on their feet in both protest and excitement; even Hyukjae was screaming murder beside him.

Donghae’s hands were slightly shaking as he took a photo of a bloodied Siwon being tended to. Siwon was contesting with the medics and the match officials, without a doubt insisting that he wanted, needed, to play on. But rules were rules. Siwon’s injury meant Jeonnamu had to forfeit their first match.

He watched as Siwon was led away by the medical team, an ice pack and a towel held up to his nose. He looked furious. Donghae’s heart broke for him.

Siwon’s bloody face flashed repeatedly in Donghae’s mind as the rounds went on. He couldn’t even bring himself to cheer when Sungmin annihilated his opponent in the final match to take them through the semi-finals, while the crowd around him roared ecstatically.

Donghae found himself lounging outside the dressing room, listless, as he waited for Hyukjae to finish his interviews. He twisted the bucket hat in his hands to distract him from worry, his disguise forgotten; the moment Siwon was hurt all reason had fled him.

‘Lee Donghae, right? From the Jeon Daily?’

Sungmin nodded at him with a warm smile. Donghae stood up and began to bow, but Sungmin merely laughed and waved a hand.

‘No need to be so formal. We’re in the same year, aren’t we?’ He clapped Donghae’s shoulder in a friendly manner. ‘Thanks for the photos, by the way. Siwon-ah suggested we put them up the gym wall. They’re phenomenal.’

Donghae's heart clenched. ‘That’s, um, very kind of you...’

‘You’re probably looking for Siwon-ah,’ he said.

‘Well, uh—‘

‘He’s at the clinic. They’ve just finished patching him up.’

‘I—‘

'You can go see him, ask him questions. Though I doubt he would want to be photographed right now...’

‘I was just going to check on him. As a friend,’ He clarified quickly. ‘It looked like a nasty injury...’

Sungmin’s face soured. ‘That move could’ve broken Siwon’s nose. Thankfully it didn’t.’ He nodded towards the room at the end of the corridor. ‘Clinic’s over there.’

Donghae thanked the frighteningly astute captain and walked towards the glass-frosted sliding door. Siwon’s bloody face flashed in his mind, and his chest immediately tightened with worry.

He slid the door open and heard voices.

‘I told you to be on your toes against those cheats, didn’t I?’

‘Yeah, you nagged me so many times I lost co—oy_ , _that hurts! Be more gentle, will you?!’

‘Geez, Siwonnie.’ He heard a tinkling, breathless giggle. ‘Man up, you big baby.’

Siwon was sat on a leather bench, faced away from him. And beside him, resplendent even in the dim light, was Suho, holding an ice pack to the bridge of Siwon’s bruised nose. They looked comfortably familiar, almost domestic, sweetly ensconced in their own little world. Donghae felt like he had clumsily intruded into a private moment.

The glass door clattered as Donghae bumped into it. Both men looked up in surprise.

‘Donghae?’ Siwon’s eyes were wide with shock, it looked almost comical. ‘What are you doing here?’

Siwon moved the ice pack away from his face, and Donghae’s gaze zeroed in on Siwon’s hand around Suho’s wrist.

A sense of déjà vu crawled up his spine.

The first time it happened was after he received the acceptance letter from Jeonnamu High five years ago. Donghae was having second thoughts about moving to Incheon, an alien place without the familiar warmth of his family and friends. 

He sought out Yunho in the football fields after class, as he had every afternoon. And like always, Yunho was there, the broad expanse of his back familiar even as a mere shadow in the setting sun.

But he wasn’t alone.

Kim Jaejoong’s smile was as brilliant as the sunlight as Yunho wrapped his arms around him intimately. It would’ve made a wonderful photo: the colours of dusk spilling across the fields, like a curtain closing over two young people, madly in love.

There were no if’s and maybe’s about Incheon, after that.

His life has always been a question of where’s. It was suddenly clear to Donghae that the tiny room—with Siwon just within his reach, still unfairly handsome despite his bruised and swollen nose—was not the place for him.

He heard Siwon call his name, but Donghae didn’t look back—the same way he didn’t, years ago.

He barrelled past the thick throng of students spilling out the gym. They swore at him and threw him dirty looks, but he couldn’t care any less. He needed to get out before the walls closed in on him and stifled what little control he had over his emotions. The last thing he needed was Siwon finding him crumpled in a corner, crying his eyes out.

The exit felt miles away, but the path eventually cleared, and he stumbled out the back door and into the blinding, afternoon light. Donghae took a deep, steadying breath, his arms trembling and barely holding him up by the knees. There was a buzz in his ear, the world around him hazy and out of focus.

A warm, strong hand suddenly gripped his shoulder. Donghae whipped around, dragging an equally startled Siwon along with him.

‘Siwon-ah.’ Donghae stared at him in disbelief.

‘I finally caught you this time. Ow.’ Siwon cradled his injured nose, the exertion causing the swelling to smart a little. Donghae just barely stopped himself from reaching out.

‘Why did you run after me, idiot,’ he said, feigning annoyance, though his voice was trembling. ‘You shouldn’t strain yourself if you’re injured.’

Siwon’s grip on his shoulder tightened. ‘Then promise me you won’t run away when I let go.’

Donghae caught the steely look in Siwon’s eye and knew he had run out of options.

‘Come on, you need to rest,’ he said, defeated. ‘Let’s sit over there for a bit.’

They sat at a comfortable distance, facing out an unkempt lawn littered with wildflowers. It was a beautiful spring day; the wooden benches were cosy with the sunlight's warmth, and the wind gently cooled their warm skin, offering slight relief. It was quiet, save for the odd chirrup of birds and the rumble of cars driving past. The crowd in the gym seemed far away.

Slowly, Donghae’s nerves settled, blanketed by a sense of calm brought about by accepting the inevitable. He was about to tell Siwon who, or _what_, he really was.

‘I was a little careless,’ Siwon said suddenly. At Donghae’s confused look, he added, ‘During the match, when I got injured. I knew he’d retaliate, but I wasn’t quick enough.’

‘I’m glad we knocked out that bad bunch of cheaters,’ Donghae muttered, which made Siwon laugh. Donghae’s eyes flickered towards Siwon’s nose. ‘Does it still hurt?’

‘A bit, but I’ll live. I’m more worried about that ridiculous looking bandage I’ll have to wear for weeks.’

‘That’ll make a good photo for the Jeon Daily. It may even get you new fans.’

Siwon immediately reached over to ruffle his hair, but Donghae was quick to brush off the offending arm with a small smile.

It occurred to him, all too suddenly, how he had taken these small moments for granted.

With downcast eyes, he said, ‘It’s good you had someone to look after you at the clinic.’

‘Oh, that guy,’ Siwon said flippantly. ‘Yeah, he’s a friend from my old school.’

‘I know. His name’s Suho, right?’

Siwon immediately stiffened.

‘How do you know that name?’ He asked, his smile gone.

‘I saw him call you a few times, and I saw him during the qualifying rounds, too,’ said Donghae, his voice quivering. ‘I thought you two looked close. It actually made me feel a little jealous, ha-ha...’

Siwon’s mind, however, was somewhere else. ‘Have you heard anything else? About him and me?’ he asked slowly.

Donghae hesitated. Kangin’s revelation in the Jeon Daily newsroom flashed in his mind. ‘I’ve heard rumours about you and a boy,’ he said softly. ‘I heard you got into a fight with one of the gangs, and the boy ended up severely injured. But they didn’t mention a name...’

Siwon grimaced and shut his eyes, as if in terrible pain. Realisation came swiftly; Donghae’s heart sunk as he slowly pieced it together.

‘That boy... that was Suho, wasn’t it?’

Siwon took a deep, shaky breath. ‘It was my fault,’ he said, his voice trembling. ‘That entire mess, _ it was my fault. _’

‘How could it have been? You tried to stop them from beating him to death—‘

‘He should have never been there in the first place. _I_ let it happen.’ Siwon rubbed the heels of his palms against his eyes. ‘I knew he was gay since we were children—God, I’ve never seen anyone with a more obvious interest in boys at the age of nine. He even told me he liked me when we graduated from primary school, but I said I couldn’t. I mean, romantic feelings for a boy were unheard of in my family. How can it be possible?’

‘We attended first year together. I watched him go out with different guys. Anyone who gave him attention, anyone who showed interest. Of course he got hurt, over and over.’ Siwon’s jaw clenched. ‘They were toying with him, Donghae. And I just watched and let them, because I was too scared they’d think I was... that I was like him...’

Siwon balled his fists. ‘He met a guy named Kris in advanced Math class. Of all the guys he could fall in love with, the idiot actually fell head over heels for _ him_. But I knew Kris was bad news. He was a member of one of the most notorious gangs at Daemoon. Suho and I fought about him a lot, but he wouldn’t listen. And then it happened.’ Siwon closed his eyes. ‘The unthinkable, the absolute worst.’

‘I saw five people beat him up with baseball bats as Kris stood by their side and watched. Suho wasn’t moving anymore. They had stripped him to his boxers. He had wounds and large, dark bruises all over, but they left his face untouched. There was so much blood... the thought of it made me sick for months...’

Siwon wiped his tears with his sleeve. Donghae felt sick himself—he can’t even begin to imagine the horrors that Siwon and Suho had experienced. Suho was the scrawny first-year who almost got beaten to death for being who he was, and the only real friend who understood him was punished for accepting it.

‘Something that serious... I can’t believe I didn’t hear about it on the news...’

Siwon laughed bitterly. ‘The principal and the teachers were more concerned about hushing it all up than helping any of us. They couldn’t afford a scandal in an elite school.’

‘But you and Suho were hurt. Your parents—' 

‘Thought I had no business getting involved with trouble like that. I was a smear on their good name.’ Siwon sniffed. ‘They may be right, you know. I got myself expelled, for what? I couldn’t even protect my best friend.’

‘These things were beyond your control, Masi. You couldn’t have done anything to prevent them.’

‘I could have,’ said Siwon, his eyes trained straight ahead, ‘if I told him I liked him too, back then.’

Donghae’s eyes widened. Siwon glanced at him and smiled wryly.

‘I knew, deep down, but I didn’t want to _ feel _. It was much easier to do what I was told.’

‘Masi...’

‘I was spineless, and that got Suho hurt.’ Siwon shook his head. ‘I’ll never forgive myself for that.’

Donghae reached for Siwon’s hand, which was clammy and trembling, and held it in his own.

‘Even if you say that, even if you blame yourself for all the bad things that happened, I don’t think it matters to Suho. You were there when he needed you the most,’ said Donghae gently. ‘It certainly wouldn’t matter, if it had been me.’

'...kind as always.’ Siwon smiled in spite of himself. ‘You won’t get into trouble, you’re too nice. And even if you did, you won’t need me to defend you, I think.’

Donghae quirked an eyebrow. ‘I don’t exactly trust Hyukjae to be my knight in shining armour...’

Siwon laughed richly at that. Donghae felt a surge of courage, the rare impulse to seize the moment running through his veins.

‘Listen, Siwon. I haven’t been completely honest with you.’

Siwon cocked his head at him. ‘What do you mean?’

‘It means you’re not the only one with secrets,’ he said. ‘I have something to tell you, too. Something I should’ve told you much sooner.’

Siwon raised an eyebrow expectantly. 

‘You’d hate me for it,’ Donghae warned.

‘I sincerely doubt that,’ said Siwon, ‘and I only want to know so I can prove it to you.’ When Donghae didn’t say anything, Siwon quickly added, ‘But, you know, don’t push it if you’re not ready. Take as much time as you nee—‘

_ ‘I like boys.’ _

Donghae’s voice was clear and unwavering, almost factual.

Siwon froze. ‘What?’

‘I like boys, Siwon-ah.’ Donghae found the courage to look at Siwon straight in the eye. ‘And I like you.’

Siwon stared back at him, his mouth hanging open. A flush rose up his cheeks.

‘I’m sorry about that night, when you took me home,’ Donghae prattled on. ‘You were just right there, and I wasn’t thinking, so I—’

‘So you did—‘ Siwon gestured towards his mouth, and Donghae blushed wildly—‘So it _ did _ happen? I thought my brain was playing tricks on me!’

‘I’m sorry,’ Donghae repeated. ‘It was all spur of the moment...’

‘I can’t remember what _ actually _ happened,’ Siwon continued. ‘Was I the one who, you know, initiated? Or did I push you away? God, I won’t be able to forgive myself if I pushed you away.’

‘You would have been _ right _ to push me away!’

Siwon shook his head. ‘It’s been killing me for days, Fishy, but I didn’t have the courage to ask.’

‘Yeah. Me neither.’ Donghae chuckled drily. ‘We did a good job pretending that nothing happened, didn’t we?’

Siwon sagged into his seat, and palmed his face. ‘You like me,’ he said in disbelief. ‘A guy like Lee Donghae likes me.’

‘Stop saying it out loud, it’s embarrassing. Someone might hear...’ Siwon shot him a questioning look, so Donghae quietly explained, ‘You know how dangerous it is, being like this. I don’t want you to get into any trouble.’

‘I’ve gotten into a lot of trouble for far less.’

‘Don’t. It’s not worth getting into trouble over me—’

‘Don’t say that,’ Siwon said sharply. He looked immediately remorseful when Donghae winced at his tone. ‘Don’t say you’re not worth it. You matter to _ me_, you idiot. Much more than you think.’

Donghae ducked his head. Siwon always had a way with words. ‘Is that what you say to all the boys and girls who profess their undying love for you?’

He yelled in pain when Siwon pinched his cheek. ‘Smartass. I don’t just say that to anyone.’

Donghae rubbed at the abused spot. He weighed his chances, then asked, ‘We’re alright, aren’t we?’

Siwon looked at him with an intensity that made Donghae feel quite self-conscious. He reached out to take Donghae’s hand, his thumb gently brushing the skin.

‘I like you too, you know,’ he said, warm and honest, his face regretful.

_ But. _

That unspoken word, and all that wasn’t said after, was enough.

Donghae nodded in understanding. ‘What a relief,’ he exclaimed. And it truly was, because he had expected the absolute worst.

But he couldn’t stop the tears from falling, all the same.

**WEEK TWENTY-EIGHT.**

Life went on, reverting to its drab, monotonous state. Siwon remained as affectionate as ever, but whenever he pulled Donghae too close, or left a hand lingering too long on an intimate place, he would shift away awkwardly, face flushed with embarrassment. Donghae felt a little guilty—and still, a little pained—knowing he was the cause of poor Masi’s discomfort. Siwon, though, was visibly determined to make their friendship work, and committed himself to be a constant presence by Donghae’s side whenever he was able.

It surprised Donghae how easy it was to fall back to their routine. They continued to study together at the library, and when their workbooks became too exhausting they’d talk about the upcoming semi-finals, or the new Leica camera Donghae had been saving up for. They’d sit on the bench outside to eat dinner, shoulders bumping as they stared at the night sky. Donghae’s eyes often wandered towards Siwon, unable to help himself; sometimes he’d catch Siwon staring right back, then quickly look away with an embarrassed smile. Moments like these stirred Donghae’s troublesome feelings from time to time, like embers on a stubborn flame unwilling to be put out.

Suho still called most nights. Siwon would promptly pack up, sometimes without saying anything, sometimes with a few parting words. But he would always squeeze Donghae’s shoulder before he left, and Donghae would nod in understanding. This was a part of Siwon’s life he would never belong in, a connection that only he and Suho would share. But Siwon now _ trusted _ him to understand, and that was enough.

In fact, whatever remaining doubt he had about Siwon was quashed when one night, Siwon suddenly said—

‘I’d love to introduce you to Suho sometime. We can have dinner one of these days, maybe just before the summer break.’

Donghae gawked at him. ‘You... you want me to meet Suho?’

‘Sure,’ said Siwon. ‘You’ll get on like a house on fire. Now that I think about it, I might be digging myself a hole here, if you two do get on...’

‘That’s...’ Donghae shook his head in disbelief. ‘Masi, you’ve kept him a secret from me and everyone else for months.’

‘I did.’

‘Does he even _ know _ me?’

‘He does.’

'Even—even the fact that I, with you—‘

Siwon flushed. ‘No! No, of course not.’

_'Siwon_,’ said Donghae helplessly, wringing his hands. ‘I wouldn’t know what to say. The first time we met I ran away from him.’

‘Idiot,’ said Siwon fondly. ‘Is it your first time to meet new friends?’

‘It’s my first time to meet _ your _ friends.’

‘I don’t get why you’re making a big deal of this...’

Donghae didn’t entirely understand, either, but he couldn’t deny the nervousness gnawing at his chest, the deep-seated fear of coming to terms with Suho—of why Siwon didn’t find him good enough.

A finger flicked painfully against his forehead.

‘You’re overthinking again,’ said Siwon. ‘You’ll graduate from high school an old man at this rate.’

Donghae scoffed, affronted. ‘Excuse you, I’ve got the skin of a baby!’

They ended up in a rough tussle over who gets to pinch the other’s cheeks first. This inevitably earned a grave threat of a permanent ban from the head librarian, as usual, but Donghae wasn't bothered. He was too absorbed in committing the picture of Siwon’s silly, grinning face pulled by the cheeks to memory, a souvenir of those precious moments when Siwon was, at least for a little while, indubitably his.

*

Their relative peace was broken a few days before the match.

Classes were about to start, and as usual Hyukjae came barrelling into the room two minutes before the bell rang, to the condescending applause of the entire class. Mr Kim appeared behind him seconds after, visibly unimpressed.

Siwon, however, was nowhere to be seen.

‘That’s unusual,’ Heehcul remarked. ‘Masi’s never been late before.’

Donghae immediately knew that something wasn’t right.

Siwon came halfway through the first lesson. He mumbled something about the taekwondo tournament and bowed apologetically to Mr Kim, who waved him off to his seat, easily forgiving. Siwon was white as a sheet. The muscles of his jaw were set tight, and his hands trembled slightly.

Donghae scribbled a short message on his notebook, ripped it, and flipped it underneath and behind him. Siwon’s fingers were cold as he took the paper from Donghae’s palm.

_ Are you alright? _

Siwon didn’t answer. Donghae’s worry deepened.

When lunch break came, Siwon grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him out into an empty corridor. Before Donghae could ask he flashed a photo on his phone. It showed the progression of the teams through the play-offs. Jeonnamu’s own progress to the semis was traced with a red marker.

Freshly written beside Jeonnamu’s name was their semi-final opponent: Daemoon High.

Dread shot up Donghae’s spine.

‘I can’t do this,’ Siwon said. His knuckles had turned red-raw where he bit into them. ‘They were my teammates, Donghae-ah. They know. They know _everything_.‘

‘Deep breaths,’ Donghae whispered. He gently pried Siwon’s knuckles away and kept his hands loose around Siwon’s wrists, comforting. ‘You have to calm down.’

'The tournament’s almost through! Why did we have to get Daemoon? Why now?’

Donghae forced a light-hearted chuckle. ‘It’s like something out of a sports drama, isn’t it?’

But Siwon wasn’t listening. ‘I—I’ll tell Sungmin I need to sit this one out,’ he mumbled to himself, his voice breathy with panic. ‘H-he’ll understand, he knows I left Daemoon on bad terms—‘

‘You will do no such thing, Choi Siwon.’

Even Donghae was surprised at the unusually sharp, commanding tone that came out his mouth. It made Siwon look up at him, his expression pitifully helpless.

‘You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone from Daemoon. It’s all in the past. If they think badly of you then that’s their problem,’ said Donghae firmly. ‘How do you think Sungmin-ssi will feel if his star member suddenly drops out from the biggest match in their club’s history a few days before?’

Siwon said nothing. Donghae held him firmly by the shoulders.

‘No good comes from running away from your problems,’ he said gently. ‘Take it from me.’

‘I’m the homo that got expelled, Fishy,’ Siwon said hoarsely. ‘They’re going to make sure the whole of Jeonnamu knows it.’

‘They still will even if you’re not there. Might as well get your own back and be the homo that dumps them out of the tournament, right?’

Siwon mulled over Donghae’s words for a few minutes. Finally, he nodded.

‘Okay.’

‘Okay?’ Donghae sighed with relief. ‘You’ll do it?’

‘I’ll do it.’

‘You’re gonna kick some weak, homophobic, entitled chaebol asses on Saturday, I’m sure.'

‘That talk doesn’t become you, Lee Donghae.’ Siwon said with a small smile. ‘Really, who are you and what have you done to him?’

‘It’s all your fault.' Donghae flashed a coy grin. 'You’ve completely ruined all the other chaebol boys for me since the day we met.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Donghae only laughed as he skipped away, while a confused Siwon chased after him. ‘_What’s that supposed to mean? _ Oy, Lee Donghae!’

**WEEK TWENTY-NINE.**

Donghae woke to the heavy sensation of a long, exhausting dream.

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and rummaged for his phone underneath the sheets. It was half past five; his mind was still foggy with the remnants of the dream he now couldn’t quite remember, though a dull feeling of anxiety still lingered.

He blamed it on the nerves. It was, after all, the day of the taekwondo semi-finals against Daemoon.

His brain immediately cleared, taking away any chances of catching a few more precious minutes of sleep. There was a rustle of blankets from the other bed as Hyukjae turned on his side, still dead to the world. Donghae envied him slightly.

He slipped out of bed to wash his face. As he filled the basin with warm water, he remembered Siwon’s distress at the prospect of facing his old school and being forced to relive the traumatising horror and embarrassment he had tried to put behind him. It was cruel, thought Donghae. But all things that happen serve a purpose, and Donghae fully believed fate would finally work in Siwon’s favour. And even if it didn’t, Donghae will damn make sure that Siwon _ knew _he wasn’t fighting alone, this time.

He wrung the towel tightly in his hands.

By the time Donghae was fully dressed the sky had lightened up in pale hues of orange and pink. He skipped down the stairs and found Hyukjae’s mother bustling around the kitchen. ‘You’re up awfully early for a Saturday,’ she said, adept hands making short work of the scallions.

‘Hyukjae and I are going to watch the taekwondo semi-finals today.’

‘Ah, yes. The ladies at the supermarket have been talking about it,’ she said. ‘It’s been a while since we made the semi-finals, hasn't it? They said a handsome young man made it all possible.’

He smiled fondly. ‘He’d probably say it’s the team, and not the person, that made it possible.’

She hummed in agreement. ‘Then he has a remarkably wise head on his shoulders. Do you know him?’

‘Well enough to say you’re wrong, Auntie. Anything I can help you with?’

‘That’s sweet of you, dear, but I can manage,’ she said. ‘I’d like you to check on something, though. I think I saw someone outside the house, but it’s rather too early for visitors so I thought it quite suspicious. Can you take a look, please? But come back inside quickly, in case it _ is _ someone suspicious.’

Donghae put his sandals on and stepped out into the chilly morning, grumbling at the cold as he rubbed his arms fruitlessly. He unlocked and pushed the iron gate open as quietly as he could, and poked his head out to investigate. The odd chirp of a bird and the faint rumbles of passing cars from the main street occasionally tickled the silence, but it was otherwise quiet, their neighbourhood seemingly still deep asleep.

Satisfied, Donghae yanked the gate close, more than eager to scurry back into the cosy warmth.

A loud _ bang! _ and the jarring sound of clattering metal shattered the peace.

Alarmed, Donghae whipped back out to the street. Around the corner, surrounded by used tins, torn boxes, empty bottles and various other rubbish from a fallen bin, clutching his shin in agony, was Siwon.

‘Oh my god, Masi?’ Donghae was half-convinced he was seeing things.

Siwon looked up, flashed a familiar dimple and waved sheepishly. ‘Allo,’ he said. ‘Fancy seeing you ‘round here.’

‘What on earth are you doing here? It’s six in the morning!’

‘I couldn’t sleep, so I, uh, I thought I’d sweat off the nerves...’

Donghae frowned. Siwon once mentioned that his flat was in Gajeong-dong, which was almost 40 minutes by train. ‘You couldn’t have jogged all the way from your flat...’

‘Oh, no, of course not, haha. The team had a sleepover at the school dorm because we have to leave bright and early today. So, er, I thought I might as well drop by your house,’ Siwon ran a hand through his slightly damp hair. ‘I completely forgot about the time...’

‘Idiot, what were you planning to do, hanging around bins like that? Hyukjae’s mom thought you were some thief!’ Donghae blabbered, still nonplussed by Siwon’s sudden—but not at all unwanted—appearance.

Siwon opened his mouth, closed it, and shrugged.

Donghae sighed. ‘Come on then. Last thing we need is you catching a cold before the big match.’ Siwon’s face immediately lit up at the invitation.

Donghae was acutely aware of Siwon’s warm presence behind him as the man tailed him like an overeager puppy. Hyukjae’s mom poked her head out the kitchen as he led him into the dining room.

‘You were gone a long time, Dongh--oh!’

Mrs Lee flushed at the sight of a handsome stranger in her house. She smoothed down her shirt demurely. ‘You should’ve said you were inviting someone over,’ she chastised.

‘I wasn’t expecting him either,’ said Donghae. ‘Auntie, this is Choi Siwon from the taekwondo club. He’s a good friend of mine and Hyukjae’s from school.’

‘Hello.’ Siwon bowed at the introduction. ‘Sorry for the intrusion...’

‘Not at all, not at all.’ She fanned her hand at him. ‘Have you had breakfast yet? The soup’s almost ready.’

Siwon flashed his princely smile. ‘That sounds lovely, Mrs Lee.’

Mrs Lee glowed with girlish affection. ‘Donghae, be a dear and ready the bowls and plates,’ she called out as she returned to the kitchen, a spring in her step.

Donghae tutted. ‘Hyukjae won’t be pleased to hear his omma’s got a crush on you, you know.’

‘What? I’m just being polite!’

Donghae rolled his eyes. ‘Make yourself useful and get the plates from that cabinet, please.’

‘Aww.’ Siwon flashed a teasing grin as he passed the plates. ‘Is Donghae-ah feeling a little jealous?’

Donghae scowled and threw a balled up tissue at his head. ‘You’re not as cute as you think you are, _ chaebol. _’

‘Oh?’ Siwon raised the plate out of Donghae’s reach.

‘Yah, Choi Siwon!’

‘I just want you to notice me, _ oppa _...’ Siwon laughed as Donghae, teetering dangerously on tiptoe, strained for the plate in vain.

‘Give that back, you tall freak!’

‘Hey, hey, careful...!’

Donghae squeaked as he toppled forward, bracing his arms instinctively in front of him, which happened to be Siwon’s solid chest. Siwon staggered backwards to keep them both upright, his free hand flying out to steady Donghae by the elbow.

They stared at each other, faces inches apart, beet red to the tip of their ears. The situation was so cliché Donghae never thought it could happen in real life, but here they were. He was all too aware of their compromising position and how utterly dangerous it was, considering what happened the last time they came too close.

The awkward atmosphere was immediately broken by a familiar screech.

‘_Ommaaaa! __Have you seen Donghae-ah?! _‘

They straightened up immediately, right as Hyukjae thundered down the steps and padded, barefoot and clad in a threadbare sleeveless shirt and heart-printed boxer shorts, into the dining area. He screamed when he saw Siwon’s towering figure staring at him, his arms flying over his chest and crotch.

‘MASI! What the fuck are you doing at my house?! And look away, I’m indecent!’

Siwon raised an eyebrow. ‘We’re both men, aren’t we?’

Hyukjae turned to Donghae and pointed a thumb at Siwon with disgust. ‘Why is he here?’

‘I found him by the bins,’ Donghae said unhelpfully. He cocked his head at Siwon for the explanation.

‘Well...’ Siwon’s eyes darted from Donghae to Hyukjae. ‘I was feeling a little nervous, so I thought I... you know, I’d come see you.’ His eyes lingered on Donghae as he spoke. Donghae tried his best to ignore it.

Hyukjae, however, was completely oblivious. ‘Aww, it’s touching that you find my mere presence therapeutic,’ he said, all prudishness gone. ‘Alright Prince Charming, I’ll let you feast your eyes on this stunning visual. Just for ogling, not for fondling, okay?’

‘Oh for fuck’s sake, Hyukjae.’ Siwon glanced at Hyukjae’s shorts and balked. ‘I think I’m gonna be sick.’

Siwon was saved by Hyukjae’s mom, proudly bearing her pot of soup. Her warm expression hardened immediately when she found her son chasing Siwon around in his slightly naked glory, and yelled all hell at him before kicking him into the kitchen to fetch the rice and the side dishes.

Siwon slipped into his seat beside Donghae, his face ashen. ‘Why am I friends with an insane man? Those skinny legs in short shorts will haunt me forever.’

‘But it is effective,’ Donghae pointed out. ‘Still feeling nervous after that?’

‘A little bit.’ He glanced at Donghae. ‘You coming to the match today?’

‘Wouldn’t miss it for anything. I heard most of the class will come to cheer you on, too.’

That didn’t seem to assure Siwon at all. He bit his lip anxiously. ‘Listen. Ever since the draw I’ve felt uneasy, Suho’s not coming, for obvious reasons. But I had nightmares about that day, and in my dreams, you...’ He faltered, and shook his head. ‘Just... if you see trouble, promise me you’ll stay away.’

‘Hey.’ Donghae squeezed his arm. ‘It’s going to be the biggest Jeonnamu crowd yet. I doubt even Daemoon’s gonna pick a fight with a crowd like that. Stop worrying and focus on the match, okay?’

Siwon didn’t look convinced, but he grit out a smile and nodded anyway, his face full of purpose.

‘For you, Fishy, I’ll even make sure to win it.’

*

Siwon, it seemed, was right to be worried.

The gym buzzed with unease and a tension that simmered like water being brought to boil. The Daemoon students were clumped together in little groups, whispering among themselves as they eyed the Jeonnamu students with obvious disdain. A few spats had already broken out, barely restrained by more level-headed students who were desperate to keep the peace.

‘Not the friendliest bunch, are they,’ Hyukjae hissed as one of the Daemoon girls roughly bumped his shoulder.

‘Not the most open-minded people, either,’ said Donghae quietly.

Despite all the sensible things he’s said to Siwon, he felt a little nervous, too. It was prudent of the Jeonnamu team to come early—if anyone from Daemoon saw them outside the gym, a riot was definitely going to break out.

‘Shit,’ Hyukjae suddenly cursed.

‘What’s up?’

He waved his recorder. ‘I forgot to bring extra batteries.’

Donghae looked around. ‘They should have some at the convenience store. I think there’s one round the corner.’

‘Right. I’ll go nip in real quick—‘

‘Nah, I’ll do it. I need to buy a drink anyway,’ Donghae said quickly. He was glad for the excuse to get out of that stifling atmosphere.

Hyukjae eyed him curiously. ‘Well, if you insist... buy me choco milk, too.’

‘_Again? _Your teeth’s gonna rot with all that sugar, Hyukjae.’

‘Shut up. I need my comfort food. These rich brats make me nervous, man.’

Donghae sighed. So he wasn’t the only one feeling jittery. ‘Yeah, It’s not safe out here. You go on ahead, I’ll catch you inside.’

He strode off to the nearest store, careful to avoid any form of eye or body contact, attempting to be as inconspicuous as possible. Whispers trailed him, and they only seemed to grow louder as he hastened his pace. He turned the corner and was flooded with relief at the sight of a tiny 7-11. The store was empty save for an elderly couple; Donghae thanked the heavens for the blessed respite.

He grabbed the drinks and went to the till. ‘I’ll also have the batteries, please. AAA.’

The cashier reached out behind her and threw the batteries into his pile. ‘Haven’t seen the gym that packed,’ she remarked. ‘Big game?’

‘It’s the inter-high taekwondo semi-finals.’

‘Ah.’ She nodded at the camera. ‘You a fan or something?’

‘Um, I’m actually a photographer for the school paper.’

‘That’s nice, dear. My son’s a photographer too.’ She handed him his items and change. ‘You better be careful with that. A crowd like this attracts bad people.’

Donghae stepped out the store, clutching his camera and the items he bought close to his chest, unnerved by the lady’s warning.

As he walked a small, dingy street caught his eye. Partly hidden by the shadows and cigarette smoke were three young men, hunched together suspiciously, One had the side of his head razored off and had piercings in his ear, but the others looked almost harmless with their frail, lanky frames and unruly mop of hair. Donghae’s body ran cold. He determinedly stared down at the pavement and walked past as quietly as possible, though his heart thudded madly in his chest.

He kept his eyes fixed on the ground as they laughed. Strains of conversation reached his ear.

‘Bunch of losers,’ said one. ‘Have you seen their captain? The guy’s a freaking midget.’

‘And don’t forget, they got that Choi Siwon in the team.’

Siwon’s name immediately drew derisive laughter. ‘I can’t believe they still let that faggot play!’

‘They probably don’t know he’s a homo.’

‘Don’t be stupid, _ we _ made sure someone knew he was a homo.’

‘Must’ve sucked a few cocks to get in.’ They sniggered maliciously.

Donghae stopped walking. His shoulders quivered and his ears burned, anger surging through him like lightning.

‘Wouldn’t surprise me if he fucked the midget captain to get into the team, that disgusting fag—‘

‘You’re the disgusting one, you piece of shit!’

The three delinquents turned sharply towards him. Without thinking Donghae had stepped right into their circle, fists balled and eyes blazing, all his fear forgotten. They had slandered Siwon’s name with the spite and cruelty that Siwon certainly did not deserve. Donghae couldn’t imagine the agony of dealing with abuse like that, every single day. The injustice of it boiled his blood.

‘You don’t know anything about Choi Siwon,’ said Donghae angrily. ‘You don’t know the hell he had to go through because of idiots like you.’

‘Who the fuck are you? You one of them fanboys?’

‘Nah, bro, isn’t that the guy from Siwon’s IG?’

‘Oh _ yeah, _ you’re right_. _ So you’re Siwon’s new _ boyfriend._’ Razorhead looked him up and down, his grin turning malicious when he spotted the camera around Donghae’s neck. ‘That’s an expensive looking thing you’ve got there, homo.’

‘We’ll take it as an apology,’ sneered his companion.

‘Yeah,’ said the other. ‘‘It’s too nice a day to beat up homos.’

‘The only thing I’m feeling sorry for is you pathetic assholes,’ Donghae spat.

Razorhead pulled him into the alley and slammed him against the wall, the force rattling Donghae’s bones. ‘You’ve got balls to speak to me like that, homo.’ He waved his cigarette close to Donghae’s cheek. ‘You make cheeky comments like that again, and I'll burn a nice little hole right into your—‘

Donghae rammed his knee up as hard as he could.

Razorhead howled in pain. His companions immediately sprung into action, and furiously grabbed Donghae by his shirt and hair to pull him down. Donghae thrust his elbow up the nose of one and kicked the shin of another. He punched blindly at any flesh that came at him, roaring, adrenaline lighting his veins.

And then came the crippling blow to his back. Donghae fell to the floor, wheezing.

The blows rained from all sides, swift, brutal and merciless. Donghae curled upon himself to protect what he could, though he knew it was pointless. Their boots battered his arms, back and legs; the sharp tip of a boot caught his forehead. The kick to his stomach hurt the hardest, the pain so sharp and searing hot that it made him gag.

‘Stop,’ Razorhead growled when Donghae convulsed with shock. His awareness had grown faint; he barely felt the glob of spit trickle down his cheek as one of the delinquents spat in his face.

‘Boss, the camera?’

He was flipped over onto his back. ‘It’s broken,’ Razorhead snarled. He kicked Donghae’s side out of spite. ‘All you homos are fucking useless—’

Donghae barely heard the yells and screams from the distance through the haze of pain.

‘Fuck,’ the lackey hissed. ‘It’s the Jeon assholes!’

‘Shit. Go round the other side! Hurry up!’

His wallet was quickly pulled out from his pocket then thrown beside him in the dirt.

The shouting grew louder. A panicked voice called his name by his ear and a hand clasped his bloodied cheek, but the sensations were so distant. His head was spinning, and he felt unbearably cold.

Siwon flashed in his mind. He was going to be angry, for sure, and Donghae will have to apologise for breaking his promise and getting into trouble. But Donghae knew he had done something right, and Siwon, though he may furiously disagree, will still--and always--be by his side, whatever happens. It was a warm thought, a candle that extinguished any fear left in him.

Donghae smiled as darkness took him, his heart at peace. 

*

The afternoon sun was blinding, scattered like jewels on the calm surface of the sea. The brown sand was warm and damp where it buried his toes. A couple of sailing boats undulated with each passing wave, safely moored to the green-grey poles of a wooden quay. Into the distance, a hazy but familiar facade of mountains and buildings lined the horizon. He could taste the salt in his tongue, could feel the cool water pull at his feet.

Donghae’s heart soared. There was no mistaking Samhak Wharf. He was finally back home in Mokpo.

He traversed the beach at a leisurely pace until he was close to the quay, where the herons and egrets liked to roost. Grey and white stones were tidily strewn across the beach like a pebbled path that rose towards the breakwater. At the edge of the path, a man stood faced out to sea.

Donghae froze in his tracks, unable to believe his eyes.

'_...Appa?’ _

The man turned around. It _ was _ his father, young, healthy and full of vigour, the way Donghae remembered him in his memories. His eyes, like Donghae’s, sparkled like the sea, and his smile was as warm as the sand beneath his feet.

‘Appa,’ Donghae repeated hoarsely, his throat closing with the tightness of his chest. There were so many things to say, things that he always wanted to tell his father but never got the chance to. His heart had been hurting from the burden of regret for so long.

He wiped the tears from his eyes, and said, ‘I’m so sorry I’m not the man you wanted me to be, Appa.’

His father shook his head and spread his arms in welcome, his smile never wavering.

Like a little child, Donghae bawled as he ran and collapsed into his father’s embrace, boneless with relief and long-sought comfort. A hand stroked his hair as he sobbed loudly into his father’s chest.

‘They are waiting for you, my dear boy.’ His father’s voice was as gentle as he remembered.

Donghae shook his head vigorously. ‘I don’t want to go, Appa. I don’t want to lose you again.’

‘Silly son of mine, you never lost me,’ said his father. He placed his hand over Donghae’s heart. ‘I am always here, am I not?’

Donghae held his father’s hand. ‘You’ll always be in my heart, Appa. Always.’

His father laughed, the sound wondrously melodic. ‘One day, you’ll find someone else to give your heart to, a person who will cherish you as much as I do.’

Donghae looked down at his feet. ‘But Appa... what if he doesn’t give my heart back?’

His father lifted his chin with his finger. With a curious twinkle in his eye, he said, ‘A bird in a cage, though it has never spread its wings, will always yearn to fly.’

Behind them, the birds sounded a mighty call. Donghae watched in wonder as they took off in a flurry of wings and soared up and above them, before flying together towards the place where the sun met the sea.

*

Donghae woke, his mind muddled from sleep. He vaguely remembered dreaming about the beach, but not much else; his eyes, though, were strangely wet.

The moment Donghae moved the pain hit him, weighing him down as if his bones had been filled with lead. He looked up at the pristinely white ceiling helplessly, dazedly aware of the low hum of air-conditioning and the steady, mechanical _ bip, bip, bip_ of a monitor. He lifted his left arm with some effort. It was bruised red raw, and IV tubes snaked into his hand.

His violent encounter with the Daemoon gang flashed in Donghae’s mind.

He stared once more at his bruises, unable to believe, but quite proud, that he had gone willingly into that fight.

‘LEE DONGHAE, YOU ABSOLUTE MORON!’

Someone obviously did not share his sentiment.

He grunted as his forehead was lightly flicked. Hyukjae bore down on him, red-faced and wide-eyed, with the anxiety and fury of a mother of a lost five year old child. Siwon followed closely behind him, tight-lipped, his eyes noticeably red-rimmed.

‘I can’t fucking believe—what on earth were you thinking?!’ Hyukjae spluttered, gesticulating wildly. ‘Dark, narrow and dodgy! That’s where I found you! Right in the pit where assholes _ always _ beat someone up! Haven’t you learned anything from school gang dramas, you idiot?! What reason can you possibly have to almost get yourself killed like that?!’

Donghae’s gaze flitted to Siwon. He felt a surge of protectiveness as the thugs’ vile abuse echoed in his head. 

Siwon's expression changed, as if he suddenly realised something. 

He grabbed Hyukjae by the elbow. ‘Hyuk. Can you go check if Heenim’s downstairs?’

‘Huh? But didn’t he just text a few mo—‘ Hyukjae turned and saw the serious look on Siwon’s face, at the tight set of his jaw. ‘...Er, yeah, best to go down and make sure, knowing how prissy Heenim gets. We're not done yet,’ he told Donghae sternly, and flicked Donghae’s forehead one more time for good measure before putting on an act of storming off.

Siwon pulled a chair to sit beside him. He reached out to lightly caress Donghae’s cheek, then trailed up, feather-light, to the corner of Donghae’s eyebrow. Donghae hissed in pain.

‘They hurt you,’ Siwon murmured. ‘They hurt you because of me, didn’t they?’

‘I got into that fight by myself, Masi. It was stupid,’ said Donghae lightly. ‘Don’t worry, I’m fine.’

‘_Don’t worry?'_ Siwon's voice rose, anger blotching his cheeks. 'Hyukjae found you bleeding and lying in your own vomit. He said the medics had to stitch up your arm and forehead because you were losing too much blood. The doctors said you were lucky to get away with a bruised stomach. You could’ve fucking died back there, Donghae! Take this a little more seriously!’

Siwon struggled to control his outburst. With a grunt of frustration, he furiously wiped his wet eyes with his arm. Donghae felt his own eyes prickle with tears.

‘I wanted to beat up every single Daemoon student in that gym,’ he said. 'I felt so helpless when I saw you laid out on the pavement. I couldn't even go with you when they took you to the hospital. But I was angriest with myself... I had nightmares about this, but I chose not to say anything because that would mean opening up a part of myself I thought I had buried deep, years ago. I was so damn scared to live through that hell again that I only thought of protecting myself.’ Siwon stared at Donghae desperately. ‘Because of me, the people I loved got hurt again, just like before.’

Donghae shook his head. ‘You’re not responsible for those dickheads, Siwon-ah. Bad things don’t happen because of you,’ he said gently. ‘They happen because of what others think of you. You lose the moment you believe you’re the mistake.’

‘They beat you up because you knew me!’

‘They beat me up because I knew _ you_, and they didn’t! They were spouting bullshit about you. I couldn’t let them get away with that. I was stupid to think that I could take on three guys at the same time, but it was good to get my own back, even just a little.’

Donghae sunk into his pillow. With a tired smile, he added, ‘You’re worth it, you know, even if you did break my heart once.’

Siwon rubbed his face against his hands. ‘You idiot.’

‘I know.’

‘Don’t ever do that again,’ Siwon rasped. ‘Dear God, it could’ve been so much worse...’

He grazed Donghae’s knuckles with his lips, warming the skin it touched, then rested it against his forehead, his eyes closed as if in prayer. The affection and tenderness in his actions choked Donghae’s heart. Whatever it was they had—be it platonic, romantic, a mutual understanding, or some other relation—Donghae knew he would never share the same level of connection and intimacy with anyone else. If he could keep it, he would be the happiest person in the world.

Siwon ran his thumb across Donghae’s hand absentmindedly. After mustering a deep breath, he said, ‘I’ve been thinking, Donghae-ah. I—‘

They both jumped when Siwon’s phone rang shrilly with an untimely call.

‘Fucking hell,’ Siwon mumbled, irritated, as he reached behind him to pull the phone from his pocket. His expression eased when he saw the name on the screen.

‘Suho-ssi?’ Donghae guessed.

Siwon squeezed Donghae’s hand reassuringly. ‘I’ll be right back.’

Donghae watched Siwon slip out the room with some regret. He looked around and spotted a digital clock on the bedside table. It was, as expected, nine in the evening.

He sighed. It seemed his time was up.

Siwon came back a few minutes later, looking a bit more relieved. ‘He asked if I wanted to celebrate crushing Daemoon in the semi-finals tonight,’ he said.

‘...I see.’ Donghae tried to keep his voice steady. ‘Have to go?’

Siwon shook his head. ‘I told him there’s a more important place I’d rather be.’

‘Oh.’ Donghae’s heart skipped a beat. ‘Where do you need to—‘ Donghae froze as he realised what Siwon had just said. ‘Wait, _ you beat Daemoon?’ _

‘Thoroughly and completely.’ Siwon broke into a small, satisfied smile. ‘The hostility between Jeonnamu and Daemoon was peaking at that point, so the officials decided to continue the match behind closed doors. Anyway, we beat the bastards in three straight sets. Everyone fought for you, Fishy,' he added proudly. 'Losing to them wasn’t an option. Not after that.’

Donghae frowned. ‘Why does that make me sound like I’m some lead girl from one of Heechul’s harem animes?’

Siwon laughed at Donghae’s little joke as he took his seat beside the bed. Donghae cocked his head in confusion. ‘Didn’t you say you needed to go somewhere important?’

Siwon smiled warmly at him, his eyes crinkling. ‘There’s nothing more important for me than to be here, Donghae-ah. With you.’

Donghae’s eyes widened. 

‘Siwon, this is no time for jokes,’ he said slowly. ‘You’re playing a dangerous game.’

Siwon held Donghae’s hand, his expression turning completely serious. ‘When I told you that day that I liked you I wasn’t sure what I meant by it, but I’ve given it a lot of thought since,’ he said. ‘Things like, how I always feel the need to see you before my matches because seeing you is the only thing that calms me down. Or how taking care of you gives me so much satisfaction, because I always worry that you work yourself too hard. And how making you smile and laugh gives me happiness that I’ve never felt anywhere else...’

Siwon’s ears had turned completely red. Shyly, he said, ‘If liking someone means all of these things, then... I really must like you a lot, Lee Donghae.’

Donghae swallowed thickly. It felt like his entire face was on fire. ‘You’re being unfair,’ he croaked. ‘I’m injured and I think I might be a little high on medicines. How am I supposed to give you a hard time after you broke my heart last time?’

Siwon flashed him a dimpled, apologetic smile. ‘Sorry for being a little slow. I promise I’ll make it up to you?’

‘Oh God.’ Donghae wanted to bury his face in the pillow. ‘My heart’s beating so fast I feel like it might burst.’

‘Here. Feel mine.’

Siwon placed Donghae’s hand over his chest. His heart was beating as loud and as fast as Donghae's own.

Siwon shifted closer, his hand anchored on Donghae’s shoulder, warm and steady. Donghae’s eyes fell onto Siwon’s lips. There were no feelings of shame, fear or doubt that marred the moment this time, for they knew where they wanted to be, and knew where they wanted to take it.

Donghae’s eyes slipped close, anticipating, inviting—

The door swung open.

‘Holy shit, Siwonnie,’ said Hyukjae, 'You were kinda right, we do have an important visitor—‘

Donghae and Siwon froze, their faces flushed scarlet.

‘I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?’ Hyukjae said, feigning innocence. He then urgently whispered, ‘You need to break it up boys, I don’t think she’s ready to see her baby taken away by a man.’

Before Donghae could ask what the hell Hyukjae was on about, a woman barrelled past Hyukjae and Siwon to shower Donghae’s head with kisses. It took Donghae a few bewildered seconds to realise it was his own mother.

'_Omma!_ Be gentle, my head hurts,' Donghae gasped, but his mother only buried him further in her arms.

‘Oh Ddohae,’ she said, sobbing. ‘My poor son, look at what they’ve done to you! I’m going to hunt those brats down—!’

Donghae looked up from his mother’s embrace and caught Siwon’s eye. A smile, secret and dear, passed between them, an unspoken confession of those troublesome but beautiful feelings that they both perfectly understood, even without the words.

**WEEK THIRTY.**

Donghae found it mind-boggling how his life, which for the most part had been a tedious struggle against the drudgery of schoolwork and expectations, was suddenly upturned by a series of extraordinary events within a space of a single week.

Razorhead, it turned out, was a second year Daemoon High student named Lee Jae-min. He was considered one of Daemoon's ‘untouchables’: his father was a politician and was one of the school's biggest donors. When they received the complaint, Daemoon High immediately released an ‘official’ document confirming Jae-min's attendance to another school event that was apparently in conflict with the taekwondo semi-finals. With the foolproof alibi, the case against Lee Jae-min was immediately closed.

Donghae’s mother, tenacious as ever, did not take it lying down. ‘It hurts me that they’re going to escape responsibility like that,’ she said furiously when Hyukjae, Heechul and Siwon came for their regular visit. ‘That fat lawyer from Daemoon even insinuated that I was only pushing the case for the money.’ She crushed the empty can of coffee in her hands. _ ‘The nerve_, the absolute nerve! My son was _ hospitalised_! I’ve never felt so insulted in my life!‘

‘I now see where you get it from,’ Siwon whispered to Donghae in an admiring tone, though he eyed the abused can with wide, fearful eyes.

‘Don’t worry, Auntie,’ Heechul said, full of sympathy. ‘They’ll get what’s coming to them. You’ll see.’

Siwon, Donghae and Hyukjae looked at each other. Heechul was definitely planning something.

His plans were bared when the Jeon Daily staff came to visit a few days later. Kangin immediately asked them to settle down, claiming he had very important gossip to share, pointedly ignoring the members’ sceptical eye-rolling.

‘This might be interesting for once,’ said Heechul uncharacteristically. ‘Go on, Kim Young-woon.’

Kangin rubbed his hands. ‘So, no one has any idea where or who it came from exactly,’ he said, ‘but someone managed to get a video of Lee Jae-Min and his gang drinking, smoking and beating up a freshman, while still wearing uniforms like idiots.’ This earned surprised gasps from the members. Kangin grinned. ‘Apparently, this person threatened the school and their parents that he’d post it on social media if they didn’t expel Lee Jae-Min and his gang of jerks.'’

‘There’s seriously an _ actual _ video?’ asked Hyukjae.

‘That’s the thing, no one’s seen it yet,’ said Kangin. ‘But Daemoon has suspended Jae-Min for investigation, so I guess it probably exists.’

Shindong whistled. ‘I'd chip in for that guy's lifetime supply of barbecue. Expulsion is the least this Jae-min asshole deserves for hurting our Donghae!'

But Donghae knew exactly who was responsible for Lee Jae-min's unexpected downfall. He looked at Heechul in awe, but the mastermind feigned indifference by pretending to clean the dirt from his nails, though he let slip a wide, satisfied smirk.

Yunho video-called him in the evening, while Siwon was visiting. It felt a little strange to watch two of the most important people in his life, once complete strangers, fully engaged in a rather serious discussion about him and his well-being.

(They were two peas in a pod, Donghae realised, when they began to discuss at length the idea of setting up campaigns against bullying and discrimination, and after some agreements, set meeting arrangements in the near future.)

Yunho's reaction was less hysterical than the others, but Donghae could see his concerned frown through the small, grainy screen. After giving Donghae an earful about temper and picking his battles, Yunho, out of left field, asked Siwon, 'Would you have done the same, if you were in his shoes?'

'Though it's stupid, I would,' Siwon said, without an ounce of hesitation.

The answer seemed to appease Yunho. 'Then I leave Ddohae to you, Siwon-ssi,' he said with complete trust. Siwon looked delighted, and by the tiny flush on his face, a little overwhelmed.

The visitors, too, surprised Donghae constantly. Mr Kim's visit was particularly enjoyable; their adviser turned out to be a warmer, more laidback person than he let on in the classroom. He re-scheduled Donghae’s year-end exams and promised to send over a copy of their lectures during Donghae's absence. But what rendered Donghae speechless was when he brought out a Canon EOS 90D, which he said was on loan to the Jeon Daily until they got Donghae's camera fixed. 'Hyukjae shared a couple of your photos with me the other day. I was extremely impressed,' he said. 'You'll put this to better use than I ever will. Perhaps I need to review your careers evaluation,' he added with a wink.

The entire Taekwondo Club visited him on Monday, after their regular practice. Upon seeing him on the hospital bed a few of the juniors and the burly Donghyun himself started crying, despite Donghae's flustered efforts to calm them down. 

Sungmin briefed him on the upcoming Finals: they got Dangwon High School, another underdog team from Gyeonggi-do, which made the tie more interesting and a bit more challenging. The members excitedly talked about playing the match at Yongin University in Seoul, which was one of the largest and one of the most famous gyms in the country. 

'It's a shame our lucky charm won't be with us,' said Donghyun, a friendly arm around Donghae's shoulders. 'Seeing you there would've given me a lot more confidence.'

'Don't be silly, hyung,' said Donghae, ducking his head.

'He's right, though. We would've felt much better if you were there. But since you won't be, we've all agreed to wear these uniforms instead…' 

Sungmin held out a freshly pressed, white poomsae uniform. When Donghae spread it out he found his name printed on the back.

'We'll win it for you, Donghae-ssi,' Sungmin promised. The rest of the club yelled in agreement, their faces taut with determination, while Donghae’s own face burned red. He sought out Siwon for help, but Siwon only grinned at him from where he was leant against the door, enjoying Donghae's embarrassment, though by the steely look in his eyes Donghae knew he was the most determined of them all. The cheering and yelling would've gone on if the nurse hadn't barged in to scold them for the noise.

The biggest surprise, however, came mid-week. Siwon promised to come earlier that day because he didn't have practice, and the thought helped Donghae endure seemingly endless hours of boredom and the occasional pain whenever the nurse dropped by to inject his IV medications. But as night fell Donghae felt increasingly antsy, nervous excitement growing by each passing minute.

When the door finally opened and Siwon walked in, Donghae almost jumped him. 

'God, Masi, I thought you'd never come--'

He froze when Suho entered the room. 

He smiled sweetly at Donghae, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. 'It's lovely to finally meet you properly, Donghae-ssi,' he said with a bow. The propriety of it made Donghae blush.

Donghae felt extremely conscious of his unkempt hair and his wrinkled clothes as the two uptown boys sat on either side of him and conversed about the finals, picturesque with their manicured hands, poreless faces and perfectly arranged hair. Siwon, ever sensitive, picked up on Donghae's discomfort, and quietly threaded their fingers together.

Suho watched them with a soft smile. 'You seem to have adjusted well to Incheon, Siwonnie. I'm glad you’re well-looked after.'

'Yeah, makes you wonder why people move to the city at all,' said Siwon. 'The neighbourhood's pretty good where I live. Jeonnamu's not bad, either.'

'Oh, I'm sure you've found something to inspire you at school. Or should it be someone...?'

Siwon narrowed his eyes. 'Junmyeon…'

'What do you think, Donghae-ssi? Siwonnie's not doing too bad, is he?'

Donghae caught the playful lilt of Suho's lips, and returned his own. 'Well, he does have a fanbase... I heard our class now calls him the Asian Hulk and Iron Masi after the semi-finals.'

Suho looked delighted. _ 'The Asian Hulk _? Oh my god, that’s perfect. He does get extremely cranky from time to time.’

'He likes to bust out shirtless after his taekwondo practices, too…’

_'Okay _.' Siwon stood up. 'It's getting late. Where's that friend of yours, Junmyeon?'

Suho's phone pinged. 'Right on time. He says he’s outside the door.'

Siwon opened the door to reveal a lanky, milk-skinned, fierce-eyed boy wearing the same sky blue uniform as Suho. Startled, the boy looked up from his phone, and blanched when he saw Siwon scowling at him.

'Sehunnie,' Suho called out. He looped an arm around the boy’s to pull him away from danger. 'Donghae-ssi, this is Oh Sehun, one of my juniors and a good friend.' He smoothed Sehun's jumper. 'What happened? Did you get lost again?'

'No, hyung. I did exactly as you told me. But I got you this…' He opened his bag and pulled out a box of sweet pastry puffs.

'You charmer,' Suho pinched Sehun's cheeks affectionately. 'You can't bribe me with sweets, you know. No Fortnite tonight. You still have an English mock test to complete.'

'Aw, hyung…'

Donghae glanced at Siwon, who watched this exchange with a hard expression, arms crossed across his chest. Donghae understood well enough not to feel any jealousy--he knew it was in Siwon's nature to feel guarded and overprotective of Suho, considering their history. He tugged at Siwon's shirt, and Siwon leant down immediately. 'You're going to have wrinkles if you don't stop frowning, Siwonnie,' he whispered in his ear.

Siwon flushed. 'Fishy, I--'

'Sehun seems like a nice guy.' Donghae squeezed his arm. 'You don't have to worry.'

Suho coughed to catch their attention. 'We're taking our leave,' he said. 'I'd like to invite you to dinner sometime, Donghae-ssi, if you don't mind.I want to see the photos you took. Siwonnie raves about them.'

Donghae smiled. 'I'd love to.'

'Will you two be alright on your own?' Siwon asked.

'We'll manage. I don't want to spoil your plans for the evening.' Reveling in the blush on Siwon's face, Suho turned to Donghae. 'Siwon always insists on seeing me home ever since that incident, but I'm officially kicking him out of that job. It's about time he doted on someone else. Besides, I've got this big boy right here.' Suho smiled fondly at Sehun, who shyly scratched his neck. The affection they shared made Donghae smile.

But there was no love lost between Siwon and Sehun. Siwon at least managed to nod at Sehun civilly as he passed him, though his smile was frosty, almost threatening. Suho left him a parting punch to the arm, which Donghae thought was well-deserved.

Siwon frowned at Donghae's amused look. 'What?'

'You constantly surprise me, Choi Siwon,' he said. ‘I can’t believe you can be that ruthless. It was exactly like watching Jun Pyo's mom in Boys Over Flowers!' 

Siwon growled and pinched his side in retaliation.

*

In truth, Siwon did not surprise Donghae at all, because he turned out to be as every bit as wonderful as Donghae imagined. 

He came to visit Donghae everyday, often with takeaway bowls of soup, sandwiches or a box of pastries. On top of Mr Kim's lectures he gave Donghae copies of his own meticulous, well-organised notes for Donghae to review. (This was a gift that Hyukjae greatly coveted, hence Siwon’s specific instructions _ not _ to share it, despite Hyukjae’s incessant whining). Most of their time they spent in comfortable silence watching Donghae's favourite k-dramas and variety shows on his laptop, Donghae's head perched comfortably on Siwon's shoulder, their fingers entwined loosely. Sometimes, they would find each other’s lips just a few tempting inches away, but before either of them could act, someone--Donghae's mother, Heechul, Hyukjae, a nurse--would barge in unexpectedly, and the moment would be lost. But Donghae wasn’t fazed; he knew they had time.

Donghae knew that it was also a matter of time before his mother figured out what was going on. Like all mothers, she was frighteningly perceptive; Donghae had already caught her staring at Siwon once with a thoughtful, calculating gaze. He had thought about coming clean during those quiet moments in the afternoon when they were alone, but courage always failed him. He had lost his father; he didn't want to lose his mother, too.

One evening, Siwon fell asleep beside Donghae, exhausted from school and taekwondo practice. His arm was wrapped around Donghae's waist, his face pillowed on Donghae’s chest. It was a compromising position, but Donghae didn’t have the heart to wake him. He gently ran his fingers through Siwon’s thick hair; though asleep, Siwon shifted closer to the comforting sensation, which made Donghae smile fondly.

Then Donghae’s mother came in. 

Donghae’s face drained of colour as his mother stared at their intimate position. He was about to offer a panicked explanation but she shook her head--then, to his surprise, broke into a soft smile, her lined eyes full of understanding. She placed a finger on her lips, then closed the door gently behind her. 

When he woke from his nap, Siwon was alarmed to find Donghae crying quietly, overwhelmed with relief.

Donghae was discharged from the hospital the day before the taekwondo finals, but the doctor advised another week of bed rest. The taekwondo team had another sleepover at the school dorm that night, so Siwon stayed a little later. They watched an episode of _ The Heirs,_ sprawled out on Donghae's bed, Siwon's arm loose and comfortable around Donghae's shoulders. They had come to one of the drama's famous romantic scenes, where Lee Min Ho and Park Shin Hye kiss in the storeroom. Shin Hye's hesitant character was swept away by the ferocity and passion of Min Ho's kiss.

Donghae sighed dreamily. 'I have to agree with Heenim here. Lee Min Ho _ is _the best kisser,’ he said.

He felt Siwon's grip tighten around his arm. A wicked idea popped into Donghae's head. With a playful grin, he leant his head back against Siwon's shoulder.

'Ahh, I want to be kissed by Lee Min Ho.’

'Oh?' Siwon had gone perfectly still. 'Why would you want to be kissed by Lee Min Ho?'

'Because I want to be kissed like _ that.' _

'And how do you know I don't kiss like that?' Siwon hovered over Donghae, a dangerous glint in his eye.

'Mm.' Donghae tapped Siwon's chin thoughtfully. 'Come to think of it, you never did have a chance to prove yourself…'

'I have a chance now, don't I?'

As Siwon leant closer Donghae placed a hand on Siwon's lips. 'Now, now, Siwonnie, _ I _get to say when you have a chance,' he said, a twinkle in his eye. 'How about this--if you win tomorrow, I'll let you kiss me.'

Siwon raised an eyebrow. 'I'll still kiss you even if we lose, you know.'

'You can try, but I definitely won't make it easy.' Donghae pinched Siwon's chin teasingly. 'So? You up for it?'

Siwon groaned. 'You are a naughty little bastard, you know that?' He ran his thumb across the bottom of Donghae's lip, his eyes blazing. 'You don't need to tempt me. I'll win it for you anyway.'

'I know. I wish I could be there. The photos would have been amazing.' He clasped Siwon's cheek. 'Be careful, alright? Dangwon won’t be pushovers.'

'I will, you worrywart,' he said, placing a chaste kiss on Donghae's palm.

They both jumped when Hyukjae suddenly rapped on the door. 'Oy, Fishy, Masi, The dongsaeng from the taekwondo club needs to take Masi home. You better be cleaning yourselves up by now.'

Donghae blushed. 'Piss off Hyukjae, you absolute pervert!'

Siwon laughed and kissed Donghae's forehead, before he finally stood from the bed to get his things.

'Wait, Siwonnie.' 

Donghae held onto his hand, tugging him to come closer. Siwon leant over obligingly. 

Donghae gave him a soft, lingering kiss, just shy of the corner of Siwon's lips. 'For good luck,' he whispered.

Siwon didn't say anything, but stood up with a renewed sense of purpose. Hyukjae shouted in alarm when Siwon violently slammed the door open.

'Let's go, Kim Joowon!' He yelled. 'One last round of sparring before we go to bed!'

Hyukjae shook his head and turned to Donghae accusingly. 'I hope you realise the misery you've just put that poor dongsaeng through.'

Donghae grinned, knowing he would probably cause misery for the Dangwon players tomorrow, too.

*

It was the dead silence, and his flood of messages that merely remained seen on Kakao, that made the Taekwondo Regional Finals completely unbearable for most of that Saturday morning.

Hyukjae promised to livestream or give him match updates whenever he can. He was able to document most of his pre-match antics, including an excellent video of Ryeowook screaming Siwon's name from the bleachers, their bad blood momentarily forgotten. Hyukjae took a 360 video of the gym, showing a sizeable section clad in Jeonnamu's school colours. Donghae's heart swelled with pride.

He received another photo just before the match started. It showed Siwon holding his phone up, and on his lockscreen was a stolen photo of Donghae, sleeping peacefully. Siwon had puckered his lips right beside it.

_eunhyukkie: since youre not here ill just kiss this for good luck xx – [ 🐎 ](https://emojipedia.org/horse/)_

Donghae, grinning like a schoolgirl, quickly replied:

_LeeDonghae: if you win you might just kiss the real thing_  
_eunhyukkie: hahaha. then u better start moisturising those lipsssssdkdsaddfg_

Hyukjae had presumably intervened before the sappy exchange escalated further.

Siwon was second in the match line-up. Hyukjae sent him a short clip of the beginning of the round, which opened with SIwon landing a side kick on his opponent, earning Jeonnamu a point. Their chat window was then flooded with minute by minute updates. Donghae could almost see it in his head: legs and feet lashing out lightning-quick, arms coming up to parry, a graceful roundhouse move for a head kick. Siwon and the Dangwon player seemed to be evenly matched, and Dangwon was leading by 2 in the last minute.

The last few messages from Hyukjae were particularly stressful.

_eunhyukkie: CMON MASI U DUMB HORSE U CAN DO THIS_  
_eunhyukkie: YES EVADED IT_  
_eunhyukkie: DRAGON LEE MOVE_  
_eunhyukkie: OMG _

And then there was silence.

Donghae rained the chat with several messages, to no avail. He made a note to strangle Hyukjae _ by his sorry goddamn balls _ the moment he got home.

And so Donghae resigned to pacing the room, stomach twisting itself in knots. He watched the minutes turn to hours, but no news still came from Hyukjae, Ryeowook, and even Siwon himself. He was expecting the worst scenario then, and thought of ways to lighten Siwon's mood, that promised kiss first and foremost in his mind.

Donghae was playing video games in his room to distract himself when he heard a car pull up. There was an exchange of excited yelling, followed by the heavy thud of footsteps up the stairs, stopping just by Donghae and Eunhyuk's shared room. Before Donghae could react the door flew open, revealing Siwon in a black shirt and sweatpants, his hair dripping wet, a medal around his neck.

Donghae stood up. 'Siwonnie--'

But his words were cut off when Siwon jumped into his arms and sent them tumbling onto the bed. Donghae thrashed around, giggling, as Siwon rained kisses all over his face, his weight pinning Donghae down. He only let up to look at Donghae in the eye, his handsome face split with a wide smile.

'You won?' Donghae whispered, his eyes glancing at the flash of gold that lay heavy against his chest. 'You actually won?'

Beaming, Siwon nodded.

Donghae pulled Siwon by the medal round his neck and kissed him.

The crush of their lips, pressed tightly together by the heat of the moment, left them both breathless. Siwon shifted to soften the kiss, smiling as Donghae unconsciously chased after him, his arms looping possessively around Siwon’s neck. Their lips met and parted once more, languid and indulgent, both of them drowning in their long-awaited moment. Donghae's head spun with pleasure.

Siwon pulled away. They stared at each other through half-lidded eyes, chests heaving.

‘Your lips are swollen.’ Donghae reached out to touch Siwon’s lips wonderingly.

‘Yeah? You’re bruising a little here,’ said Siwon in turn, as he brushed his thumb against Donghae’s lip. Unable to help himself he leant in to kiss it. ‘So, more importantly, did I win?'

'Huh?'

'Did I win over Lee Min Ho?’

Donghae laughed like he hadn't in a long time--a long, unrestrained fit of laughter that reduced him to tears. Siwon pouted at Donghae's obvious amusement at his expense.

‘Hmmm,’ Donghae shifted under Siwon teasingly. ‘Dunno. I can’t make up my mind yet…’

He yelped when Siwon bit his lip playfully. ‘Playing hard to get, Lee Donghae? I can think of a few ways to convince you...’

And Donghae smiled, knowing it was his win, when Siwon proceeded to do just that.

* * *

Hello! Thank you for reading through what is probably the longest one-shot I have ever written in my entire life. This fic would not have been possible if not for the following:

[1] @[leagueoffish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leagueoffish/pseuds/leagueoffish) , who probably suffered the most during the writing process. I started this during SS7, and ended it just in time for SS8 haha. This fic would have remained WIP forever if not for her. <3 

[2] The Korean film [Night Flight](https://mydramalist.com/9658-night-flight), which in my opinion is one of the best BL/LGBT movies out there. And if fics had ending credits, [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYI42VHusys&t=13s) would definitely be this fic's exit music.

[3] These two dorks, for obvious reasons. <3 


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